Sinful

in regrettable sadness, i realise that the last post i made was on april 30. yeah, we all go on hiatus but this is even a bit long for me. at least i think it is, mostly because so much has happened in the last 40+ days. i dont even know where to begin. most of you who read this blog talk to me nearly everyday anyway so the majority of it will be about things youve already heard.

*we hired a new girl. charaty started may 1. today she was finally 'approved' to work the store by herself. praise god for this because its about fucking time i got a day off! veronica no longer works for us. she looks like she'll pop any day now, even though shes not due until august. im pretty sure shes a lot further along than she thinks she is. *shrug*
*once again i feel like ive been stabbed in the back. time and time again im told that if judith fucks up one more time 'shes gone'. ive been told that repeatedly since december and ive about had it with being lied to. i wonder daily why i work as hard as i do. i bust my ass for that store and the company but im getting no help and no support in return. i have a bachelors degree IN MANAGEMENT! judith is my immediate supervisor, the store manager, and she was a high school dropout who barely got her GED. does this seem fair? fuck no. what makes it even worse is that she makes twice what i do and does half the work. dont give me any shit about 'thats how it is in management'... because its not. this isnt the real world, this is the world i live in... every day. how hard is it to vacuum the floor at night? she cant even do that. today was a great example... she closed last night. the registers were both short --- AND the deposit. the bank called me and had me go in to fix it. which subsequently made me late opening the store. not only is she too incompetent to vacuum, she cant even fill out a deposit slip correctly. she never thinks things through, she never plans ahead, and when she is actually -doing- something, she does it half-assed. im sure you guys are sick of me bitching about her.
*to top all this off, the district manager came a couple weeks ago. she chewed my ass out for three and a half hours about how the new girl isnt trained properly, shes not in dress code, she doesnt know company policy, the store looks like shit, nothing is right and everything is wrong. i was working a double that day (13 hours) and i was NOT in the mood. especially because id spent the day before (12 hours) in the car and sitting in a doctor's office waiting room in lubbock, with my grandmother. it gets better.... the next day the DM stopped into the store to see judith before heading back to el paso... and told her to fix a few things. then she left. no yelling, no hatefulness, nothing. not a word about the new girl's training or about the missing/incorrect paperwork, or how bad the store looked. 'fix this, bye.' was pretty much all it consisted of. im angry.
*on a lighter note... i feel semi-accomplished today. i spent nine hours reversing the order of all the stuff on the back wall at the store. (this was one of the things the DM was bitching about) its a fairly large wall with a lot of shit on it, making it not an easy nor a fun task to do. but its done and im grateful. i can look at my store and point out several large sections and say "I DID THAT!" and feel somewhat proud of it. gimpi and gnimsh have seen a store quite similar to mine so they can understand what an onerous task this is and how difficult it was to accomplish.
*i went to dinner with my friend monica last week. the one i worked with at desert state (the social work agency). im really sad and scared for her. she was recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. i guess she got really really sick really really fast. in december she'd mentioned to me that one of her legs was feeling kind of numb, that maybe she'd pulled a muscle. at my birthday dinner in january, she said that she couldnt feel either of her legs and thought that she had a slipped disc and asked about my chiropractor. i hadnt heard from her since then. i got an email from her one day and we decided to go to dinner. over dinner, she told me the rest of the story. apparently, sometime in march, her friend lisa came to live with her (no explanation of why, but i figured it out for myself. lisa was worried about her and moved from fort worth to come be with her.) by the beginning of april, monica could barely walk. it got so bad that monica's parents and lisa packed her into the car and drove in the middle of the night to the texas tech university medical center in lubbock. she was in critical care for two weeks and then was diagnosed with MS. monica was afraid to tell me... it hurts me that she couldnt find the words to tell me that something was wrong, but i understand why she didnt. friends do that to each other all the time. we gloss over things or conveniently leave them out so as not to upset or scare the other person. i hope that in the future, no matter how bad things get, that she knows she can call me, she can always count on me, any time. i hope that she isnt afraid to say something that she thinks will hurt, even if it will hurt. it hurts more not to know.
* moving on... the bat said something to me today that kind of made me sad but it was nice. my mom called while i was gone. i called her back. she asked where i was. i was at the cave. i asked where she was. she was having dinner with stink. it made me sad that they hadnt invited me. mom calls later from home. her cat is missing. i call back later to see if she found the cat. shes out having coffee with stink's friend/roommate cara. again, i wasnt invited. im never invited. i said something to the bat along the lines of 'im sure glad my mom would rather hang out with my sister's friends than with me. it must be nice to be somebody's favorite...' the bat says 'you may not believe this, but you ARE my favorite.' which i countered with 'we both know thats not true but thanks for trying to make me feel better.' she says, 'no, really. you come over here when you dont have to. you spend time with me. you do things for me and i dont need to ask you to do them. you offer. you take me places without complaining. ever. im glad i have you. if it werent for you, id be a lonely old woman.' that made me really sad. when i was leaving i said, as im walking out the door, 'thanks for letting me hang out with you.' she says 'im glad you want to hang out with me. ill see you tomorrow.' hows that for feeling special?
*enough. this is too long already. id be surprised if you didnt stop reading before now.
*oh yeah, and something else that makes me feel 'accomplished' today, is that i paid ALL of my bills yesterday, including some that weren't due yet. i also did all my laundry and hung everything up and put it away. I EVEN IRONED!! tomorrow i intend to clean the house and go get my nails done (omg, im really becoming a girly-girl! monica, youd be damn proud!)

Posted by sin at 11:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

FIRST: on monday night when i closed, i had problems with reconciling the drawers (nightly deposit and petty cash) for some stupid reason they weren't adding up and it took me FOUR tries to get the two registers to come even. i was not having a good night. the mall/our store closes at 9pm and we have to be out of the mall by 1030. i was leaving at 1020 and one of the security guards stopped me and yelled at me and said that we had to be out of there by 10pm. he was a jerk.
THEN: tonight when i was working, while i had customers in the store, this same security guard comes in, walks up to me and says 'are you --------------?' and i answered yes. he slapped a parking ticket down on the counter and says 'you must pay your fine by 5pm tomorrow in the mall office. you cant park there. mall employees must park at the end of the lot behind the blue line.' and he goes to leave. (note: im handicapped and i was parked in a handicapped spot AND i had my placard hanging visibly in the front window of my car.) so now im pissed, because not only did he yell at me and embarrass me in front of customers, but he had the audacity to use both my first and last name in front of them - therefore telling them my personal information, which is supposed to be private.' so i yelled at him to come back.i started yelling. 'COME BACK HERE. NOW.' and he did. then i made him call the mall manager AND his supervisor Bill (who i met saturday). when they got there, i proceeded to rip him up one side and down the other, i got out my purse and slapped my DMV handicapped ticket on the counter and shoved it towards him. 'i am a handicapped citizen and i have every right to park in a handicapped spot. because of people like YOU, i am not treated fairly or appropriately. ive been legally handicapped for fourteen years. its not going to change. EVER. you WILL respect me, and you WILL NOT - EVER - call me out in front of my customers again, or i will report you to the ADA commission. IS THAT CLEAR?!' michelle, the mall manager, ripped up the ticket and told him to leave me alone, i also pointed out to her the problems i had had with him on monday night. she and bill were livid. the guy is in deep shit, and im glad. may he burn in hell. bill told me if i ever had any more problems to call him, and then gave me the number to his security cell phone, then he told this other security guy to leave me alone or he'd be written up.

end of story. what a jackass.

Posted by sin at 09:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

the place i ordered my new frames from -- go-optic.com had the nerve to send me a customer satisfaction survey... asking how im enjoying my 'new product'. funny, the stupid fucks havent even PROCESSED it yet! at least, according to their website. the email said "Please rate your delivery satisfaction with Go-Optic.com on your recent 09/29/2006 order." i had this to say in reply:

I was REALLY excited to find my glasses frames online at go-optic. I ordered them Friday night. I also requested NEXT-DAY OVERNIGHT delivery. Well guess what... as of midnight on Monday night, the order still had NOT been processed. I am very angry and upset. They even had the audacity to charge my bank account BEFORE the order had supposedly been processed. I am NOT very happy at all. I will NEVER recommend go-optic to anyone. Ever.

and what pisses me off just as much, if not more, is that for some reason, their website has been 404ing for about 16 hours now. so not only can i not contact them to check the status of my order, i cant bitch at them directly either. when i actually did get their website to respond, I found their toll-free number and tried calling, busy signal. sounds like its disconnected. so i decided to try the one last available method, emailing through their site:

I placed an order for a pair of glasses frames on Friday night. I also requested next-day overnight shipping from FedEx. Now, today is Tuesday, why has my order not been processed yet? Also, I do not think that its right to have to pay $28 for overnight shipping that I'm obviously not receiving. Furthermore, I have found your website responses to be unreliable, at best; additionally, when I try contacting you by telephone, I receive a busy signal, regardless of what time I am placing the call.

Posted by sin at 01:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

if you found this site by way of spywareinfo, kudos to you. im glad that you were able to find what you were looking for. i know some people probably arent too happy with me right about now in regards to my last blog post but thats too bad. feel free to bitch and complain about me all you want. in fact, i would love for you to leave comments. i approve anything that isnt spam, so feel free. we all have a right to make our voices heard.
*ive wanted to make that post for a long time now, but was waiting on 'the right moment' to do so. i have not been very amused, nor impressed, by some of the things ive seen recently. specifically in the chatrooms. but what really spawned the 'anger' behind my post was this. i wonder... what makes it ok for people like tom coyote, blair, chris pirillo to wander away for a few days, but its NOT ok for mike healan? of course he responsibilities. we all do. we also have a choice on whether or not we react to those 'responsibilities'. i wonder, has anyone given any thought that mike might NOT WANT to be found?
*i believe that we owe him the dignity and respect of honoring his decisions and especially his privacy. i, for one, would not appreciate it if any time i decided to take a break someone decided that it was their duty to broadcast it to the world, regardless of how long i had been gone. there is a big difference between saying 'has anyone seen nic?' and "NIC IS GONE WHERE IS SHE LETS GO FIND HER!!' that would really piss me off. true friends would not go on a smear campaign every time i was out of pocket for more than 24 hours. i cannot stand by and abide by the fact that mike has made a name for himself helping others and some people are more than happy to take that away from him.
*this and the previous post are probably the two most controversial posts i have ever written. i wont say im sorry for the things ive said because im not, and i wont be no matter what people say. mike has been a friend to me for several years now and i will stand by every thing he does, always. we're all entitled to our thoughts, actions, opinions, and feelings. again, if any of you would like to leave a comment, feel free to do so. i'll be more than glad to approve it provided that it isnt spamish. i believe in freedom of speech. however, your rights end when they begin to infringe upon someone else's; some people may want to keep that in mind.

Posted by sin at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As I sit here writing this, I’m wondering whether or not I should. While this particular situation is no business of my own, I can’t help but think that maybe I actually have a few points worth pondering. I’m sure all of you reading this know enough about me to realize that I don’t really care what other people think and they can say what they want about me. I have better things to do than worry about how a particular person feels about me. So anyway, on with the topic -- for right now we’ll leave this as a ‘hypothetical situation’ - it’s probably best that way.
*You guys all know that I own a website, I’m sure of this because you’re on it right now. Let’s say that one day I feel like getting up and walking away from it for awhile (which I have been known to do). What is my responsibility to the people who come to this website? Should I tell people where I’ve gone or when I plan on returning? What if I don’t want to come back at all? What if one day I finally got so fed up with running this website that I just didn’t want to do it anymore? And, what if I just wanted to let it sit dormant, I didn’t want to sell it off to someone, but I wasn’t sure that I wanted to give it up completely? There are too many what-ifs. But here are my thoughts on those questions:
*What is my responsibility to the people who come to this website? I think that the minute I get up and walk away from my computer, my moral obligations end there. This website is for me, not you. Get hurt about that if you will, but most websites I know start out (this one is a perfect example) because the owner wants it, not because there is a demand. Like this one, some websites are for entertainment purposes. I made this one so we could put funny things up to share with others, but mostly it was a place of my own, where my rules apply even to me, where others could get together and have fun. Naughtycloset spawned from a chatroom! Some sites provide help – like 247fixes, but I know in my heart of hearts that therock didn’t start it simply because there was a demand. He wanted to make a difference, to help others, I think he did it for him – not for me, and probably not for you either. I could be wrong, but that’s just an example. I did, however, talk to him about it and he said, “(he) wanted (his) own malware removal forum which he had full control over it. No politics crap, and so there’s a place for users to post and not wait years to get help.�
*Should I tell people where I’ve gone or when I plan on returning? It’s only your business if I make it your business. You are not my spouse, significant other, child, or parent. I don’t have any obligations to you other than to be your friend. And then, if you truly are my friend, if I leave, you can rest assured there is some way to get in touch with me - IF I want to be found. Mostly the people that need to know where I am already know, anyone else can either ask them or wait until I come back. You do NOT own me.
What if I don’t want to come back at all? We all have choices. I choose to own this site, you choose to visit it. There may be a day in the future (though not the near future) that I might want to give up this site. If and when that day comes, it will be my choice and very few people or situations could get me to change my mind if it comes down to that.
*What if I just wanted to let it sit dormant, I didn’t want to sell it off to someone, but I wasn’t sure that I wanted to give it up completely? That’s a dilemma that only I could answer. The closet is an extension of me as a person and I don’t think it would be the same if I left and gave it over to someone else. I don’t make any money off this site, though I have received a couple of donations (Thanks! You know who you are.). The intent of this site was not to make money; I doubt it ever will be. That’s something I battle with though, regarding the future of the closet. What if one day I got tired of maintaining it, but I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to let go? Who knows what will happen?
*So this brings me to why I made this post in the first place. If you’ve made it this far, you at least deserve to know that much. I have noticed in several places where people are talking about the so-called ‘disappearing acts’ of a mutual friend. This friend owns his own website. He has walked away from it more than once for reasons known only to him. It isn’t our business to know why, nor should we make it our business. Granted, he has a much greater ‘following’ than I do, but I can’t help but defend him. Regardless, the website is his to do with as he pleases. Some people cannot seem to let go of the fact that they do not own him and that he doesn’t have to answer to their every beck and call. Personally, I would like to see him left alone. What more can I say other than it is his life and it is NOT our responsibility to know where he is every minute of the day. I can’t say I blame him for going missing. If I had people hounding me incessantly I would probably take off too. He should NOT be hunted like an animal. He should NOT have to account for his every move. He deserves to have a private personal life just like the rest of us. And people should leave him be for awhile. Perhaps if he wasn’t being harassed so much he wouldn’t feel the need to take off. I mean, seriously, if I decided to take a break for a couple of weeks, I wouldn’t want people calling the POLICE on me. I’m glad no one obsesses about me that much. So, here’s to you, wherever you are. I hope everything is ok and I’ll see you when you get back.

Posted by sin at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

i had a really awesome (and long) post here, but fucking firefox crashed and i lost it all. im about to go back to using JUST internet exploder. firefox crashes on me at least 3 times a day. this didnt happen until i updated to 1.5.0.6 so i reverted back to 1.5.0.4. it doesnt crash as often, but obviously its still crashing. again... fuck you firefox.

Posted by sin at 08:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

if you own a home, buy extra insurance. something like american home shield because if you dont, youre going to get fucked over by your insurance company. so... im pretty sure ive already mentioned the busted pipe in my house. they're going to have to repipe the whole house. my homeowners insurance doesnt cover it, nor do they cover the broken pipe. or any damage. the adjuster told me that i have to have 'major structural damage' in order for them to pay the claim. thats just fucking great. how about i NOT FIX THE PIPE and then you motherfuckers will have to pay for it. i told them 'why do i pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars every year for YOU TO NOT PAY the claim, when i have to make one? what's the point in paying YOU if YOU wont pay ME?' finally i just hung up on her. my mom and grandma have the ahs thing (above) and they've never had a problem with claims. apparently AHS covers everything your homeowner's policy doesnt cover. looks like i need to get it. two years ago, in the summer, the water heater died. last year it was the air conditioner. this time its the pipes... i figure, what next?

Posted by sin at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i also wanted to say that i hate you. only a little bit. but i hate you. i hate you because you make me think.

Posted by sin at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

**i dont know why i even try anymore. today was a bad day. im an emotional basketcase. and its all your fault. let me start at the beginning. (also, i apologize. someone harassed me a couple days ago about not blogging in over a week, when id 'been doing so well'... heres an incredibly long post to make up for it. im apologizing for the length.)

**i lost my job on july 31 (monday). while i expected it, it still sucked. i went to work that day with all the best intentions. i fought until the bitter end. i didnt want to leave. i sat there, i called people. i put my casenotes in. i was even nice to my coworkers. trust me, that was really hard to do. i did everything i was supposed to, just like a normal day. and then i walked out. i didnt look back and i quit caring. it hurt more than i can ever say out loud. there is a hole in my life. something is missing. theres nothing that can fill it right now, nothing that can fix it. no one can undo what was done and how that place made me feel. i hurt. i still hurt, a week and a half later. i will probably always hurt. im going to try not to be bitter.

**i got my new computer on tuesday. it was awesome. for about 3 minutes. then it practically blew up. something was wrong with the fan. it sounded like a jet trying to take off in the living room. was awful. i called dell and their tech support guy was very thorough. we did some simple diagnostics crap. turned it on and off about 5 times. it ran fine. i went to bed, woke up on wednesday morning and it sounded like the jet again. i called them back. they're sending me a new one.

**two days after being canned (wednesday), i had to go back to the office for a meeting with the 'crisis response team' from the department of labor. a lot of good that did me. i got to sit through two and a half hours of hearing all the programs the state makes available to everyone -but- me. i dont have kids. most of the programs are for people with families, people they take care of. that doesnt hold for me. i qualify for unemployment, but theres about a thousand hoops i have to jump through to get it. i left the meeting with a complete loss. it was a waste of my time. i got nothing out of it but a stack of paper that means nothing to me. it wont do me any good, and none of it will help.
**i went home, and like any good little loser, i went and logged onto the department of labor website, just like they told me to. i went to register, only to find out that the bullshit form i have to fill out doesnt have the shit on there that i need in order to qualify. it doesnt have a job description that even remotely resembles what i used to do at my old job. this was a real fucking bummer. i was pissed. i looked all over the damn form, and then i gave up. i flipped it off and then let out a string of colorful profanities and then i closed the browser window. it would probably behoof them to let people fill in blanks instead of use dropdown menus for everything. lazyasses. i guess its too hard for them to actually sit down and read the applications. :\

**thursday i took the bat to the doctor for her eye checkup. everything is good.

**on friday, i took the bat to her other eye surgery. now that the cateracts are removed, she can see much, much better. she now wears those cute little over the counter reading glasses. its amazing how much her vision has improved with two simple little surgeries. i got my new computer, to replace the one that was broken tha ti just got. also...monica and i went shopping for a baby shower for a couple therapists we used to work with. they're having a baby girl. im sure everything will go well. the baby is lucky. her parents are the epitome of a perfect couple. they're smart. they're good looking. they're healthy. they're happy. they're the all-american perfect couple. like, a true barbie and ken. im happy for them, but i cant help but be a tad bit jealous.

**saturday was the baby shower. it went as all showers go. there were cutesy little things everywhere, and all kinds of neat baby gifts. it was great. i cant say i went to it without intent to serve some of my own purposes though. two mothers of some former clients of mine were the ones throwing the shower. theyre supposed to be going to a new program by the state, something called 'mi via' which means 'my life' in spanish. its a really neat concept. basically, from what i understand, the state gives them their money for waiver services, and from there, they contract out and pay for the services their person receives. this includes therapies, day programs, and even case management. these two women have talked to me about private contracting/consulting for them. i would love to do it. almost more than anything. one of the mothers told me i needed to go to a meeting on saturday to find out more about this new waiver program. she gave me the time, place, etc, info. looks like ill be spending a couple hours of my saturday afternoon checking on a job. probably this is a good thing.

**i got my new computer set up (finally) on sunday. it works beautifully. everything is great and running well. the thing i hate most about new computers is that you have to load everything back onto them, so you have 'the good stuff' from your old computer. and then, when you touch your old computer, it doesnt feel right because youve gotten used to the new one. its weird.

**i have a water leak in my house. i opened up my water bill, which is normally $27, only to discover that it was $88. needless to say, i had a heart attack. i looked and looked and looked and looked. i have a water leak between the bathrooms. i spent all day yesterday (wednesday) on the phone with the insurance company and looking for a plumber. no one called me back.

**today, i finally got ahold of a plumber, and the insurance adjuster called me back. she'll be out on monday. she told me to save all my receipts. 'just in case i wanted to file a claim'. bah. fuckers. you pay how many hundreds of dollars every year for something, and then when you need it, they tell you no? crock. the plumber will be here in the morning. thats the soonest anyone can come.

**i also got incredibly sad today. and right around the same time, i saw two of my online friends talking about something in a way that utterly disgusted me. it was repulsive. it made me mad and it hurt my feelings. i know neither of them meant to, but they still hurt me. it hurts all the same, even if they werent talking about me specifically. one left before i said anything. it hurt me bad enough to see them talk that way that i had to get up and leave. i cried, because as i said earlier, im an emotional basketcase. theres too much running though my head right now. too many emotions, too many feelings. all of them conflicting.

**and then i got in a fight with my grandma. (makes me look real good, doesnt it.) i came over to her house this evening. my mom called, she wanted to know if i wanted to go see my sister at work. i didnt. grandma did. we hung up. i said to the bat, 'ill be glad when stink goes to school.' (she starts college at the end of the month.) the bat asked me why. i told her that i missed homework. she said "why dont you go back to school? since youre not working, you ought to at least be doing something." i told her i'd like to. i miss school. i want to go back. she asked me what i wanted to do. i told her i wanted to either get my MBA or go to law school and get my law degree. then, in a hateful voice, she says "what would you do with those, why not do something worthwhile. its not like you can actually do either. youve got to dress the part. wear heels, hose, skirts." thanks for dashing my hopes... she says "you cant seem to dress up. youd never make it in that world. you cant play the part. you wont dress it. youve got to make some sacrifices. look at you, you throw a fit when you hear people eat." (thats because they eat like pigs and have no manners. im sorry i got smacked around and/or yelled at when i made noise at the table. i cant help being the way i am.) i asked her what she thought i should do and she tells me i should go back to the medical field. go be a teacher. i dont really want to do either and i tell her so. 'ive already done the medical thing. remember, one of my good friends was murdered on a call the day after i got my EMS license. every time i hear a siren. see an ambulance. drive past the street where he was killed. go to the hospital.... i think of steve. i think about him every day. steve was a good man. he was murdered trying to save someone's life. hell of a way to go. i cant do it anymore.' (and seriously, thats when i *did* give up. i finished out that semester and never went back.) i told her that i couldnt be a teacher. i cant handle kids. maybe she liked being a first grade teacher for 30 years, but thats not for me. the bat was hateful, she said mean things. then she walked out the door to go get my mom. as she was leaving, i said 'thanks for making me feel good about myself'. she yelled 'WHAT" at me, and so i repeated it louder. she slammed the door when she left.

**what's really pathetic... i called my mom when the bat left to tell on her. to tell my mom that the bat had been mean to me. that's sad. "im telling mom!" how lame is that?

Posted by sin at 06:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

my morning started out with me showing up to the office (on time for once) after stopping by a client's house to do a quick visit. my supervisor proceeded to tell me that im not to make any more trips to carlsbad, "no more carlsbad trips. youve been going there way too much as it is." so i tell her "thats fine. i finished all my transitions yesterday." and then... i start transitioning my clients. two case managers from the other agency were working together to grill me about my people. one is a former classmate/friend of my mother's. the other is brand new, and has never worked with the DD population before. i wasnt impressed. dont get me wrong, she wasnt a bad person, it just pisses me off that they'd rather hire someone who has absolutely NO experience, than me, who has a fairly decent amount of experience. so we run through one client after another... from 815am until 1215pm. they went to lunch real quick, i went into my office. i found my personnel file sitting on my desk right next to my purse. i know it wasnt there before. i ignored it. drove to sonic real quick and got a coke, checked the mail and went back to the office (about a 10 block trip all the way around.) i went back to the office and the person babysitting us from DOH asked me for a file because we'd gotten denied on it and she was offering to respond to the denial. nice of her. it took me forever to find the paperwork she was looking for, because someone conveniently put it in the wrong area (and no, it wasnt me.) ive been out of the office so much, and people have been going through it while im gone that it was a disaster, even worse than it was before i was out so much.
while im in there looking for the paperwork, the supervisor (same one as before) comes in and says, 'i just got off the phone with barbara (our owner). she said for me to start cutting people on july 31. those who have the most to get done and are the furthest behind will get cut first because they're non productive. i just wanted to let you know.' and then she stared at all the stacks of paperwork and files. and then this, "just reminding you, no more trips to carlsbad. and also (artesia) called and complained about you. said that you were 'hijacking' the meetings and using them to talk about yourself." so i told her: 'good. im done there anyway. thats funny, i havent been to artesia in over a week, and just finished all my transitions for them this morning. i havent held any meetings there. its probably carlsbad thats complaining and thats total bullshit because the casemanager from the other company ran the meetings. i just answered questions.'
and then i told her thats it was fine about leaving 'early'. that i already thought july 31 was our last day anyway. it doesnt hurt my feelings any if im let go because i was already expecting us to be closed by then. i then told her the reasons why im so far behind: i have more people than everyone else does and that my caseload is spread out more than anyone elses is. that ive been doing everyone elses work and every time i get caught up, they change my caseload, so im never caught up.
of course this is a 'blessing in disguise'. im sick of working with those people anyway. she told me they're keeping the D&E side open until the 31st of august because they cant transition people until then. i know monica's leaving on monday. im pretty sure becky is too. im betting ill be let go as well. that means that all the 'non liked' people will be gone and they can have the office all to themselves. good for them. i intended (if we were really closing in august) to get all my files and things cleaned up and transitioned nicely. good luck to those left behind cleaning up the messes that were dumped on me. i like the supervisor ok, but i wont stand for anyone's bullshit. ive taken 11 months too much of it already as it is.
looks like i only have two days left. thats too damn bad. most of my clients ill have contact with anyway, whether others like it or not. the guardians like me, the clients like me, and the providers like me.
and also, to top it off, instead of going to take the bat to get her cateract surgery tomorrow morning, im going to be in the office instead. grandma's pissed at me. i got home and she yelled at me about how i lied to her and that i was irresponsible, and that i was lazy. then, whenever i tried to talk to her she kept turning up the volume on the tv. i gave up. she didnt talk to me the rest of the evening.
and when i got home, i went to put the dogs inside, got them in, went out to the car to get some more stuff id packed up from my office, and bobo got loose. damn dog. i ended up walking around in the fucking rain looking for the little fucker for almost half an hour. i liked to have beaten him senseless, but i knew if i smacked him i might take it too far because im losing it. probably ive already lost it. maybe i never even had it. anyway, i got some good exercise, but its not like i really wanted to or anything. i lost 8 pounds this week. probably thats from not eating/not being able to hold down food. *shrug*.

Posted by sin at 09:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

today, i was actually in the office. while i was there, i talked to flea. she told me that DoHwill be sending someone to let us in in the mornings and to escort us out at night. they changed the locks on our office. no more working late, no more coming in on weekends. i guess theyre afraid we're going to steal stuff. this was a directive from the head of DDSD/DoH. another directive, and this one royally pisses me off:
at our transition meetings, we dont have to invite the client, nor do we have to invite the guardian. it will basically be old case manager to new case manager. just crossover. this sucks.
but also:
for july, we are not to do any filing, put in mail, put in casenotes (exceptfor visits). every piece of mail we get automatically goes in the to be filed folder for the client it belongs to. our 'last day' is july 31, but we will still be transitionig people. we dont even have to come into the office unless the meeting is there. no notes, no other meetings, no packets, no visits. this certainly cuts down my workload, but its still really fucked up though. makes me wonder just what exactly is going on here.

so anyway, im also pretty depressed. i packed and moved most of my personal belongings today. i cried. packing made it feel so much more... real. i guess ive been living in a constant state of disbelief. i still cant believe this is happening.

Posted by sin at 11:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

today was just like any other day... except all the disasters... i got up, got dressed, was actually going to make it to work on time (probably)... left the house at 745. i got to the batcave at 750. walked inside. let the dogs off their leashes. and what do i see?

my grandmother sitting on the floor of the sunroom.

she was facing away from me. so i said "what the hell are you doing there on the floor?" and she turned and looked at me, her face and whole body were covered in blood. she'd fallen out in the back yard. it turned out that she fell at 630, and had sat there for an hour and a half. so i tried and tried, and i couldnt help her up. mom and stink were in lubbock, so they were of no help. i couldnt get ahold of my dad. so i called justin, and called and called. finally i got ahold of him at 815, he got there at 830 and got her up. i took her to the emergency room. the bat's skin is like paper. there was gravel and dog hair and dirt and other junk under flaps of her skin.

so we walk into the ER and the regristration clerk wont even let her sit down because shes covered in blood, so 10 minutes of registration, standing, and then they take her back to triage. this nurse kept asking who her doctor was (six times!) and if she had passed out (three times) grandma answered the same every time... no, she didnt get dizzy, no she didnt pass out... she slipped on the damn gravel out in the back yard. finally we got through to the nurse and she put in all the information there then put her in the PEDIATRIC room. we sat there, and sat. then the nurse, sandy, came in. she really pissed me off. she starts lecturing us about how we shouldnt have waited so long and how we should have cleaned her up before bringing her in... excuse me, but isnt that the nurses job? she needed medical attention, not a goddamned bath. so sandy half-assed cleans the bat up, and we wait some more. its now 1030 and i finally went into the nurses station and asked what was going on. they told me the doctor was busy. of course, there were only three cars in the parking lot when we got there, so he couldnt have been too busy. they got one of the paramedic ER techs, darrell, to take us to the "fast track" area, which was anything but fast.

once we got there, darrell and another nurse, sid, spent three hours cleaning grandmas arms and face appropriately. after getting all the gravel and stuff out, they used skin glue and steri strips, and then some awful smelling antibiotic gauze on her, and then wrapped both her arms up. honestly, it looked like she had fallen off a motorcycle or something or maybe a burn victim. she's now at home, with gauze wrapped from her hands all the way up past her elbows. she hurts like hell. they didnt give her a prescription for pain meds. she didnt even see a doctor!

and then i go to work, at 2pm. got some stuff done there, left at 545. i went to go vote. i live on the edge of two sections, so i wasnt sure where to go. i went to the school first. they told me i wasnt on the list, so i went to the church (and no, i did not spontaneously combust when i walked through the doors). they told me i wasnt on their list either. so im angry... it turns out that im not allowed to vote in primary elections because im registered as an independent. seems to me like that's discrimination. i would say a good 20% of the population is independent. its secluding 20% of the voters then, by not allowing us to vote. something is wrong with this picture.

Posted by sin at 09:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

thanks to all the motherfuckers out there who decide to spam me... ive now made it to where you have to authenticate to comment on the blog. i'll try to post more, and something interesting, soon. if you need a special code or something, i'll tell you what the passkey is. email me, or pm me. if you dont know how to do that, then you dont need to be commenting on here.

Nic

Posted by sin at 10:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

**Ok... I dont know how many times I've told you guys how much I love my job. Maybe I've been lying to myself all this time. I dont know how much I really like it anymore. Its lost that honeymoon feeling, to a degree.
**they dont pay enough. here's a similar copy of the ad we've got in the paper...
FULL-TIME Case Manager position to work in the southeastern new mexico region with persons with developmental disabilities. Requirements: BA or BS in human services field or related discipline; Bilingual preferred, 1 year experience working with adults/children with developmental disabilities. Must have own transportation; experience with Word97 helpful. reply to ........blah blah blah........
what they dont tell you is that its 40 hours per week, but generally (if youre actually working) you end up putting in at least 50. often, you take the work home with you, if not physically (like paperwork), then mentally. it turns into a real emotional drag. i cant count how many nights now that ive lost sleep because im so worried about my clients. all this for $24,000 a year. other places pay more than $30k. it isnt all about the money though.
**there's too much stress. i feel, quite often, that i dont have the "backing" from coworkers. this blog entry is a very good example of what im talking about. those were my coworkers!
**lately, the only reason why i stay is my clients. i care deeply for them and ive seen how much it tears them apart when they lose a staff member. for most of my people, ive known them for years, and ive been their case manager for almost half a year now. theres a couple of my coworkers that i care about, and i'd hate to stick them with the extra work. its so hard to get people to work for us as it is. its even harder to keep them.
**i miss being direct care staff. i hate only seeing my clients 30 minutes - 1 hour a month (on average)... if we're there for the client, why dont we see them more? it makes me sad. maybe i'll find a job with one of the provider agencies. here's hoping.

Posted by sin at 07:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

***i went to a christmas party tonight. it was one of the most awful experiences of my life. apparently i dont know the people that were at the party as well as i thought i did. first of all, i had to be late because i was visiting a sick member of the group, someone who couldnt make it to the party. second of all, one of them called just to make sure i was actually coming to the party. third-- when i showed up, no one even said hello to me. it gets better from here. three people actually talked to me for a bit. one was the person who called me - who left 5 minutes after i got there. the other two left not long after that. so there i was, sitting at least 3-4 chairs away from the rest of the group. did anyone ask me if i wanted to move? NO! of course not! and then, at one point i was the only person sitting at the table. the rest were all at the bar talking with the waiter/getting more alcohol/whatever. i paid my ticket and got ready to leave. they were talking about going to another place to consume more alcohol than they'd had at dinner. i wasnt invited, but they talked about it, knowing i could hear them. so, here i am, obviously leaving. i say goodnight to everyone and tell them i'll be out of the office tomorrow for various valid reasons. do they tell me goodbye? goodnight? see you friday? NO! of course not! that would be asking too much of them.
***i left, got in my car, started to drive away, and burst into tears. i cried so hard i could barely see to drive. and then, i turned onto 6th street where my ATM is so i could get some money for tomorrow, and barfed in the middle of the street (sorry for the visual), but i was crying so hard. it hurt so bad to be ostracised that way. i know im different, but i dont expect to be treated like an outcast.

Posted by sin at 09:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

**i talked to someone the other day who told me i may have gotten a bad report from one of my references. it doesnt surprise me that someone may have given me a bad rap. what surprises me is who it probably came from. i may have had some problems at a couple of the places ive worked at, but in truth, it wasnt just a problem with me. a couple of places i worked for had other workers with lesser work ethics than i do. this isnt surprising, because as far as i, and most of my former employers are concerned, my work ethic is strong, and my record with them is immaculate. these other coworkers of mine not only had attitude problems because i had seniority over them, but they also had a bad habit of not showing up to work on time, if at all. calling in, lying, coming late. i spoke with my supervisors at these places about it. apparently that makes me hard to work with and i "deserve" to be given a bad recommendation. assuming this business about someone giving me a bad reference is true. its illegal, nonetheless.
**anyway, getting to the point of this post. i just got a call back from the place that interviewed me last week. they want to re-interview me again tomorrow. this is a good sign. im going to keep my fingers crossed, but dont expect me to hold my breath. ill be making a post on the second interview tomorrow. maybe ill get this job afterall. god i hope so, my bank account is about under.

Posted by sin at 01:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

**ok. this is how today went, shitty if you ask me. Kelly called a couple days ago and tells me that they're looking for someone to work in the office in the doctor's office she's doing her internship for medical assisting at. i talked to her this morning, and shes like "yeah, they're still looking for someone. you should bring your resume by, i already told sandra about you."
**so... i take a bath, get dressed (and this is no small feat. i had to put on (ick!) business clothes (ick!)). anyway, i put on my dress slacks, knee-high stockings (hehe), my black three-quarter dress shirt. combed my hair quite nicely and left it down for once, despite the 100F weather outside. i even put on make-up. i looked damn good, or so i thought.
**i drove all the way across town. not a long distance, but long enough when its further than i usually drive, which generally consists of a 3 mile round trip from home to my grandmas. so, i combed my hair again to make sure, checked the mirror to make sure my make-up hadn't melted off between the house and the car. looked to make sure there wasnt anything stuck in my teeth, made sure there wasnt any mascara goo stuck to my eyelashes and whatnot.
**i walked into the office, the phones werent ringing and there was only one patient waiting. im thinking, hell yeah, i can do this. piece of cake. i thought wrong.
**i walked up to the reception window and asked for sandra. the dialog went like this:
me: hello, may i speak with sandra, please?
her: yeah.
me: are you sandra?
her: yup.
me: hello, my name is jennifer. i'm a friend of kelly's, your student intern.
her: yeah?
me: kelly tells me you are looking for someone to help in the office.
her: yeah, and?
me: i have a resume.
her: ok.
i handed her my resume.
her: ok. bye.
**talk about lousy! thats the worst pre-interview i have EVER had. i walked out of there wanting to cry. so i went and saw my mom instead, after text-messaging her to let her know what's up. she thought it was bunk. i called justin. he thought it sucked. i called my grandma and shes like "well, thats the way things are. suck it up." how's that for support. i came home, stripped out of my "good" clothes and still want to sit here and bawl my eyes out. im |this close| to calling this place i used to work, where i got the crap beaten out of me almost every time i showed up for my shift, and BEGGING them to give me my job back. i got fired from there twice, but that was 4-5 years ago. maybe they've forgotten...

Posted by sin at 02:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

**ok, so i went to a dentist earlier. mine is on vacation this week so they referred me to a different guy. not something i was happy about, but i was -that- desperate to get this taken care of. i go in, they take an x-ray... and it all goes downhil from there.
**the motherfucker puts the carbon between my teeth and tells me to bite down and grind my teeth. i winced and he said "keep doing it, i have to know where to drill!" so then, he started grinding down my tooth. the one i had the root canal on last week. *cringe*. no anesthetic. none. not even the gas! or something to numb it with. nothing. so we go into this little ritual. carbon, bite, grind, drill. over and over again. by the time he was done, tears were streaming down my face. and he just smiled and sent me on my way.
**it wasn't fun, thats for sure. im no wimp and im certainly no stranger to pain, but i swear, id rather have a never-ending migraine than dental pain. UGH! the nurse said the swelling should go down in a couple hours, and i should be able to eat real food again tomorrow, if not tonight.
**apparently, the problem was that when they made my temporary crown, it was too long/tall. so when i bit down, it would irritate the gums and jaw and all the nerves around there. therefore, making them swell, and pushing the tooth up even more. no wonder i was in so much pain. *sigh*

Posted by sin at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i had a root canal last week and my jaw and gums are swollen and hurting badly. i cant close my teeth all the way, much less chew on the left side at all. i got so desperate, i even squirted half a tube of orajel along my gums yesterday. so...
tuesday next week, i have seven teeth that need to be sealed (they're beginning to get cavities)and then i get to have two crowns.
i have horrible dental genes and i have a calcium deficiency because im allergic to milk. i take good care of my teeth, but it doesnt seem to really matter in the grand scheme of things. i floss. i use mouthwash. i brush my teeth -at least- twice a day. with colgate total with baking soda and peroxide, or with crest's vanilla mint. yet none of that seems to matter or help.
anyway, today i get to go to the dentist. im *so* excited. not. *shrug*

Posted by sin at 08:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

**ok, i know the chemo is supposed to make me sick. it makes me nauseas, i did some puking for a few days, and i still hurt. i think i finally got all that straightened out with a new pain med and some phenergan... so far, my hair isnt falling out as bad as it did last year, thats a good sign, maybe the stuff my hair chick gave me actually works. i hope so.
**unfortunately, one of the other effects of taking chemotherapy drugs is having a nonexistant immune system. i knew this before. in fact, my immune system isnt that great to begin with. but someone coughed in my direction last night, and now im sick. sniffly nose, coughing, my body hurts (in general, as opposed to being in severe pain before, this is just in addition to that), my voice has gone to shit and my throat is sore. yay for me.
**i take my global business final tomorrow and im not ready for it, the rest of the finals are next week. i cant wait until next thursday, when this is all over with.
**i need a vacation.

Posted by sin at 09:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

**my mom flew back from london today. she called my grandma from dallas and said "please send someone to get me, i want to go home, and i want to go home NOW!" so...
**leaving roswell going east, is under construction. we left at 530pm. lubbock is a three hour drive. going into lubbock from roswell is also under construction. needless to say, i was back in roswell by 11pm. this is both good and bad. good that i made great timing, despite stopping for various things four times and... getting pulled over!
**my LAST ticket, was back in 2002, about 20 miles south of where this one was... i was doing 71 in a 70, and the fine was $93.
**this isnt even a ticket! its a summons to appear in court! i was only doing 70 in a 55 and got pulled over AT THE SIGNPOST for 55!
**so the guy comes up and is like, "you were going 70 in a 55, do you have a problem?" and i said, "my mom just flew back from london, shes been travelling for 25 hours, i drove up from roswell to get her and am on my way back home. we just want to go home." so he tells me "thats too damn bad." and walks off with my license for 20 minutes or so. i rolled up the window and told my mom and sister that he was probably back there jacking off to my drivers license. anyway, i got the summons. finally i get home and read it and it says i have to APPEAR in court... on or before March 29. as many of you know, im having surgery in albuquerque on March 23. somehow im thinking driving 140 miles *one way* to take care of a ticket in the next 11 days is NOT happening. because:
*1 theyre closed on weekends
*2 i have 15-20 pages worth of term papers due before midnight monday, so i cant go then
*3 going to abq tuesday
*4 having surgery wednesday and coming home late that night or on thursday
*5 i dont forsee being in the mood for any further travelling on friday, and
*6 i go back to classes that next week...
**flips the bird at speed limits**
**perfect ending to a perfect day. i woke up at 430 this morning sick as a dog and spent the rest of the morning doubled over curled up on my bathroom floor. why do we lay on the bathroom floor when we're sick? ive always wondered that.
**btw, do the math. leaving at 530 and returning at 11 for a SIX hour trip through construction and stopping four times AND being pulled over... has to mean i was doing much more than 70 for a good chunk of that trip... perhaps i shouldnt wear heavy shoes anymore while driving. it could have been worse.

Posted by sin at 12:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

**ok. so the doctor's office called monday. i have an appointment to see the specialist on february 17. a month and a few days from now. i can see how concerned -they- are. i guess they're fortunate they don't have to deal with me for the next few weeks. things aren't so great lately. the nausea is killing me. stupid meds. i'm exhausted all the time, i hurt, and i feel like im going to vomit everywhere. (you guys probably didn't want to know all that. sorry.) before, it used to be some days are better than others. now it seems like im down to some hours are better than others. *sigh*
**example:
monday night i went to bed about 1am. i couldn't sleep because i hurt so much, so i got back up and tried going back to bed right around 3. i fell into troubled sleep because i was hurting, jolted awake at 530 and laid there doubled over, crying until nearly 7am... this was the beginning of tuesday... and it continued most of the day. i can see things are only getting worse but i hope that they will get better soon. particularly because i don't want to spend my birthday in bed, and classes start the day after, on tuesday the 18.
**ugh.

Posted by sin at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

**ok, so several of you who have seen my latest entries have probably noticed me saying "im sick." or "i feel like crap." there's a reason for this. i finally went to the doctor today.
**as many of you dont know, i have endometriosis. this was supposed to have been taken care of back when i was 19 (im almost 23 now). i find out now (and i probably knew then, but didnt think about it) that they couldnt get all of the "ickies" cauterized due to the location of where they were at. i've been through several rounds of hormone replacement/horome prevention therapy, and even ended up on chemo. it looks now, though, that the lesions/nodules/littlebleedingbastardcells implanted all over the inside of my abdomen/pelvis are beginning to create havoc on my body once again.
**bad news: my doctor can no longer deal with this. worse news: i have to now see a specialist. even shittier news: i am likely to have either of two surgeries in the somewhat-near future. my choices are-- laser surgery to kill off all the nasty buggers, or to have my uterus removed. fun thoughts there. NOT. particularly not when the rest of my life is falling apart. or that im trying to graduate this semester and im taking 18 hours and a good majority of the classes are BLAH! and a couple of my instructors are known jerkoffs. *shrug* more on this shit later.

Posted by sin at 10:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

**I called my instructor this morning. as predicted, I was accused of plagiarism. there's nothing I can do about it. I received a zero for the paper but will not be expelled from the university. I can't help but be extremely pissed off and sick at my stomach. it was a goddamned accident. I didn't intentionally misrepresent information. Following is the quote I am accused of plagiarizing:
**The EULA for Napster includes: 1) The Software contains and/or embodies copyrighted material, trade secrets, patented (and/or patent pending) inventions and/or other proprietary material and intellectual property of Napster and/or its licensors. All title and ownership rights in the Software remain with Napster and its licensors, as applicable; and 2) In addition to those prohibitions contained elsewhere herein, you agree you will not: rent, lease, loan, sell, copy, or distribute the Software in whole or in part.
**while the text implies that it is a quote, it does not 1) have quotation marks around it, or 2) have a citation listed in the references section. I'm sorry but out of a 13 page paper, a MINUTE mistake like this is easy for MOST people to overlook. BTW, if you want to know where I got that quote from, you can look in the EULA for Napster.

**And yet another email, after I called him:
(Me),
I am sure that you're mistake was not intentional and that you will not let it happen again. I really felt bad because you are a very good student. However, I have taken a zero tolerance policy regarding plagiarism, and several other students this semester have been similarly penalized. You can be confident that as far as I am concerned the incident is behind us.
(Instructor)

**how about that to start your day? getting fucked over by an instructor first thing in the morning. on a weekend. while i SHOULD be studying for finals. *sigh*

Posted by sin at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

**I turned in my paper on the RIAA to my business law class several weeks ago. the paper was returned to me (and to everyone else in my class) so we could have a chance to redo them... apparently no one did very well the first time. our instructor started posting grades for the papers last week. as of friday, I still didnt have a grade. I began to get worried. I emailed the instructor. saturday morning, i got an email back stating the following:

(me),
You need to call me at my office on Monday. I will be not be available until after 10:00 a.m. on Monday morning.
Thank you,
(instructor)

**so naturally, I wrote him back:
(instructor),
Is there a problem with my paper? If so, I would like to take care of it as soon as possible.
Thank you,
(me)

**then I got another email:
I have a 9:00 a.m. meeting on campus tomorrow (Sunday). I will probably
arrive in my office between 8:30 and 8:45. You can call me then.
(instructor)

**I'm worried as hell. the only thing I can think of is that he thinks I plagiarized my paper. which (if youve been in #naughtycloset or #blogshares) you would know for sure that I didnt. I'd never think of plagiarizing. not in a million years, particularly on a paper on copyright infringement (RIAA). I come from a family of educators and have been one myself. the last thing I'd do is plagiarize a paper.
**I started looking at turnitin.com (where we submitted our term papers) and noticed that several of my resorces they listed as OTHER STUDENTS' PAPERS! thats complete and total bullshitza! i have a stack of papers on my desk that i printed the original source of my information (and then reprinted tonight) that I used to write this paper. i also have written logs saved in my mIRC folder of talking to people WHILE I was writing the stupid thing. I did, however, find (just now) that one source I used -and gave credit to- I forgot to put a citation in the references section. but that was an accident. they still got credit! I'm sure I'm not the only one that's ever forgotten to put the source in the reference even though I credited them in the text of the paper...
**I hope this gets taken care of tomorrow (for the good). im worried because if I'm accused of plagiarizing, I can fail this course and be expelled from the university. I'm supposed to be graduating in may... this wont do. update to come tomorrow, asap...

Posted by sin at 12:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

**I’m beginning to lose my faith in what it means to be an American. No longer is the word "American" seen as a good thing. Look around our world. People "ugh" at the word. Look at what our politicians have done to other cultures. It makes me sick. There is a reason certain civilizations have existed for thousands of years without technology and without a democratic political system. There is a reason they worship their own gods and live by their own standards. The United States is a global power intent on Americanizing every culture it can get its hands on. No longer are we talking about democracy. Democracy is about empowering people. Not about making others conform to what "civilized" societies think they should be like.
**Perhaps its time to consider moving.

Posted by sin at 10:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

**today was full of mistakes. the first one... getting out of bed this morning. i live in roswell, new mexico (yes, a shithole.) and i have this business trip i needed to go shopping for, so i asked my mom yesterday if she wanted to go to lubbock (texas). shes like, yeah, sure. call me. so we went.
**this brings me to mistake number two... leaving home in a snowstorm. snow was melted by rain by the time we got back.
mistake 3, electing to ride in the car with my mother for six hours (three each way). so anyway, i hate shopping for clothes. big mistake there. i -had- to though. regardless, the sales ladies were very helpful, except when they brought me this skirt that i just -had- to try on.
**heres mistake 4. i put the damn thing on, i looked pretty good in it except one thing. i dont wear clothes that show my legs, at all. i already own two skirts but they both drag the floor. so... i put this skirt on and it hits just below my knees. they practically forced me to come out of the damn dressing room and show them. so i did... and i freaked out, like a weenie. i felt like i was standing there naked with all these people staring at me. and they kept talking about how "nice" i looked and they were blocking the damn dressing room, and i was freaking out and i started crying because i was scared, i felt naked. for YEARS ive never dressed like that. no swimsuits, no shorts, no stupid ass capris, no "short" skirts... i wear pants. hell, i even wear long sleeves in the summer. im a modest dresser. tasteful clothing. so here i am crying in the damn store and theyre all trying to comfort me and shit. except... i still cant get to the dressing room so i find the next best thing, a trench coat. much better. no legs. finally though, i found a nice suit, after three hours in this damn place.
**mistake five coming up! we went to my aunts house and then out to dinner, i forgot my purse at her place so we had to go all the way back to the other side of lubbock to get it... then we ran into road construction.
**low and behold, mistake number six. i got us lost. i couldnt find the way out of there, with it misting and i was still upset over the whole skirt thing, and then the construction, but we finally made it out alive.
**it was so nice to get home, to be safe and warm in my own house. at least i found something to wear for this business trip in december. NOT a skirt. :P

Posted by sin at 12:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

**some people.
this morning i woke up to this:
[07:25] i need to have you leave #channelnamehere
[07:25] too many people are saying they are leaving the channel because of you
[07:25] and i cant have that
[07:25] sorry

**SO NICE OF HIM TO TELL ME! -after- he kickbanned me. special thanks go out to (you know who you are). i know he had something to do with this. what pisses me off the most is that hes the -only- person in that room that has any beef with me. i wasnt aware there were "many people" who were going to leave because of me. thats rather funny, because everyone else talks to me in other channels OR THEY'RE IN MY CHANNEL to begin with.
anyway, heres my response:
[08:49] how nice of you to tell me.
[08:49] thanks.
[08:54] you can also tell (insert person's name here) to kiss my ass.
[08:54] i cant believe you chose him over me. i thought we were friends.
[08:55] considering ive been there a hell of a lot longer than he has. geez.
[08:55] thanks.

**of course, i ranted in my own channel, but just about anyone who actually reads my blog... saw my rant. it was not very nice at all. mind you, i dont blame the channel founder for this at all. he's got a channel to run, but if there were problems, i wish he would have said something sooner. im not mad at him though. i understand. its still bullshit though to be kickbanned from a channel where people supposedly hate you and want you gone with no prior warning whatsoever... *sigh*
**bottom line: all you assholes out there who are afraid to stand up to me can just fuck off as far as im concerned. that only makes me think that much less of you. i hope you rot in hell.

Posted by sin at 09:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)