Sinful

***i went to a christmas party tonight. it was one of the most awful experiences of my life. apparently i dont know the people that were at the party as well as i thought i did. first of all, i had to be late because i was visiting a sick member of the group, someone who couldnt make it to the party. second of all, one of them called just to make sure i was actually coming to the party. third-- when i showed up, no one even said hello to me. it gets better from here. three people actually talked to me for a bit. one was the person who called me - who left 5 minutes after i got there. the other two left not long after that. so there i was, sitting at least 3-4 chairs away from the rest of the group. did anyone ask me if i wanted to move? NO! of course not! and then, at one point i was the only person sitting at the table. the rest were all at the bar talking with the waiter/getting more alcohol/whatever. i paid my ticket and got ready to leave. they were talking about going to another place to consume more alcohol than they'd had at dinner. i wasnt invited, but they talked about it, knowing i could hear them. so, here i am, obviously leaving. i say goodnight to everyone and tell them i'll be out of the office tomorrow for various valid reasons. do they tell me goodbye? goodnight? see you friday? NO! of course not! that would be asking too much of them.
***i left, got in my car, started to drive away, and burst into tears. i cried so hard i could barely see to drive. and then, i turned onto 6th street where my ATM is so i could get some money for tomorrow, and barfed in the middle of the street (sorry for the visual), but i was crying so hard. it hurt so bad to be ostracised that way. i know im different, but i dont expect to be treated like an outcast.