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October 24, 2006


*ive been working in retail for two weeks now (yesterday was 2 weeks). this is my first job working in a place that sells things. im actually pretty good at it, which comes as a great surprise to me. anyway, this 'life change' has brought on some more life changes and some 'firsts'. so, for the first time, im working in retail. for the first time, i care about my 'appearance'. (we have to wear nice clothes, but that pretty much means anything that isnt strapless, jeans, or tennis shoes). i got my nails done the other day. though it wasnt the first time, it WAS the second. i have a nice french manicure. isnt that sweet. the other day, for the first time, i actually purchased a blow dryer and curling iron. im going to make the attempt to do something with both of those items later today, when im getting ready for work. depending on how it turns out, i may take some pictures.
*also, in the news: i now have eight piercings in each ear. i think i can stop after one more. i dont think i have room for any more than that. however! i also did another first -- i got my eyebrows pierced (left on friday, right on saturday night). i really like them.ive wanted to pierce my eyebrows since i was 16, ill be 25 in january. i guess i waited long enough. anyway, i think they look good, and ive gotten several compliments on them. mom thought they were 'fine.' and 'its your face, not mine. do what you want, im not going to stop you.' the bat was a bit pissed off at first. friday, after id gotten the left one done, when i got home, she told me that it made me look ugly. i didnt say anything else, and then left later on. saturday night after i got the right one done, i went home and she told me that i 'looked better with just the one.' well, today is tuesday and she's still staring at my face. i think she thinks they rock, but she doesnt want to tell me. it wouldnt be the first time. i think they almost fascinate her. she was asking if it hurt or not. it didnt. i didnt even feel it. now the ears, that was another story. i got my two middle-outer cartilage piercings on friday night right before i got the left eyebrow. those hurt like hell. they swelled up and theyre still a little red, but it takes me longer to heal than most people. in a few days im sure they'll be fine. at least ive been keeping things clean. *shrug*
*so, i should have some pictures later. was too tired to do them this weekend. i was off yesterday so i took that as a veg day. being as the bottoms of my feet are bruised and ive managed to sprain my right knee. i only work four hours today but im off tomorrow. pics should be posted sometime tonight or tomorrow. depending on how i look/feel later. *poof*

October 16, 2006

my secret's out and the best part it - it isnt even a good one

ok, so most of you know about my new job. ive told pretty much everyone i talk to online about it, but i was doing my best to keep it a secret from the people i know here in town. dont as me why. (perhaps im embarassed? though i dont know why i would be, since im enjoying my new job...) anyway, i had only told the bat, stink, my mom, and my dad (and he told his wife and my stepsister). but i hadnt told any of my friends. at all. well, the secret's out. felicia (one of my supervisors from DSLM) came in yesterday, with carolee (former DSLM coworker) and felicia's daughter. they seemed really surprised to see me there. felicia gave me a nice hug and then asked how i was doing. i told her i was fine, and that i got bored of sitting at home on my ass all day, so i came to work for ------------- while i waited on the SDW to be approved and go into effect. she thought that was cool. she seemed happy to see me. i also finally broke down and emailed trish (the SDW lady who's son used to be one of my clients) and i emailed monica (friend/former supervisor at DSLM) and told them where i worked. i havent gotten a response yet from either so i think they may have gone into shock.
*anyway, work doesnt seem so bad. here's whats gone on in the last week: i started working monday - our manager quit right after i got off shift (lucky us - she didnt do any of the orders for merchandise OR for supplies). i ended up taking in some toilet paper and trash bags from home yesterday. i got called into work on friday and worked from 1p-1040p. i was on my feet the whole time. im still paying for it. then i worked on saturday and sunday. i think ive finally got a schedule. i pierced a 3 year old's ears saturday afternoon - and waited until i was done to tell the mother that it was my first time piercing.. :x i pierced a NMMI cadet's ears yesterday. anyway, thats about all the excitement there is for right now...

October 12, 2006


i forgot to mention in my last post... i got an email from trish (the one who's been trying to get the self directed waiver up and running)... she sent me an update. looks like things are better than they appeared a few weeks ago. im not getting my hopes up yet. what happened was that the state was all set up and ready to go, so they thought. the sent the guidlines and everything up to the feds. (it has to go through this really long process.) the feds denied it and send everything back saying '*bzzzzt!* try again.' so now the state has answered all the questions the feds sent back on the denial. its made it through the first stage of the fed approval. now we're waiting on a final answer. HOPEFULLY itll be up and running November 1. HOPEFULLY.... im not holding my breath. more on this later, if theres something worth reporting.

see related entries
my way (self directed waiver)

so many things to say

i guess its time for me to catch everything up. i havent really made a good entry in awhile.
*at the end of september, i went to san antonio to be with a friend who was in the hospital and bring him home. (he's doing quite well now, and im glad). i really liked san antonio, but it was a very long drive. took 9.5 hours to get there, but only 7.5 to get home... its 530 miles or so. traffic sucked because i got there right at rush hour, and there was a wreck on the I10 and one of the I410... right where i was needing to go. then i came home.
*then i got a job... in retail. its totally not me. im not sure ill like it but ill try it out for awhile. i can always quit. my first day was monday. i dont work again until sunday, and then after that i work wednesday... there's only four of us that work at this store. what im probably going to hate most about it is having to deal with teenagers. i particularly cannot stand teenage girls.
*i house-sat for the schwan's lady, karen, last week. from thursday until sunday night. she has a great bathtub and pays me well. otherwise i wouldnt go. there's no cable, no computer, no internet, and no telephone at her house. oh, and also its out in the middle of nowhere. and i mean _nowhere_... its a fifteen minute drive from my house, if im speeding.
*saturday i went to my aunt's wedding in lubbock. i also got to meet her new husband's brother. it was kind of nice to have someone at the party who was 'like me'. that doesnt happen to me ever. there's so much id like to talk about this, but id rather not put it here, it would be much too longwinded. i did have a great time though. probably because i spent most of it with someone 'like me'. goth people need to stick together. there arent nearly enough of us around. maybe thats why we scare people? *shrug*... also, while i was in lubbock, i bought some new clothes. i did really well. i actually found dress pants that are long enough (im 5'11"). i can never find pants long enough.
*last night i went to see my sister at work. i was wearing my normal clothes - black. (along with black nails, jewelry, etc) and this couple at the counter in front of me turned around and stared. then the man had enough nerve to say to me 'i like your COSTUME.' i just stared at him. then stink pipes up, 'costume? thats not a costume. she's looked like that since i can remember. at least for the last 12 years or so. halloween is every day for her.' bastards. THANKS STINK FOR STICKING UP FOR ME! i hate people like that. costume, my ass. i wanted to say 'costume? this isnt a costume. but i like the idiot redneck look youve got going on, how long did it take you to pull it off so well?'
*i went out to the school today. i like those kids, even if some of them bug the hell out of me. its like im a special prize and they all want to jump and climb all over me and crowd around me in a circle. this is one of the main reasons why i dont have offspring, aside from medical reasons. i am one of the childless chosen, and i prefer to remain that way. anyway, the kids were going on and on about my black clothes, my black hair, my jewelry, my paleness... im thinking they dont 'get it'. im a bit on the goth side, but i was born this way. its a part of me, its who i am.

October 07, 2006

it was great

today was the best day ever. that is all.

October 06, 2006


i did something within the last 24 hours that goes against everything i stand for. immoral. unethical. wrong. will anyone be hurt by it? no. but it still wasnt the right thing to do. do i feel bad? hell yes. would i do it again? its possible, but id think really hard about it before doing it again. thing is, probably everyone has done it or thought about doing it. sometimes people get hurt. sometimes they dont. what i did wont hurt anyone but that doesnt make me feel any better about it. i feel crappy. sad that doing something morally wrong has benefitted several people. is it still wrong if its for the greater good? everyone involved benefits. and anyone who asks what i did isnt going to get an answer. i just felt like i needed to get it out.

anything but trendy

yesterday, i was out 'in the community' and happened upon a 'trendy' jewelry store unintentionally. i guess you would call me a 'regular customer'. thats usually where i buy my earrings, and sometimes little things like necklaces and stuff. this is a place where i really wanted to work as a teenager. they dont hire people under 18 because they do piercings. i was in the store when i happened to overhear the two managers discussing how their 'one likely candidate for hire didnt show up for her interview'. when i got to the register to pay, i asked if they were hiring. they said they were, that they were short staffed, and that all their applicants have either been too young or not reliable. i told them a bit about myself and mentioned that they could hire me. they seemed rather interested. enter the person who was supposed to be interviewed and was two hours late. she came in dressed in ratty jeans with her tits hanging out and three kids in tow, two of which were screaming. 'im here for my interview.' they told her they'd already filled the position. lucky me. i had a job even before i applied. she left and they forked over the application. it took three minutes to fill it out. i gave it back. the district manager said 'be right back. dont leave.' she came out with the interview packet and asked if i was ready. 'sure.' so she interviewed me. we talked a lot. apparently she was impressed or something. they gave me a paper for a questionnaire to fill out online and told me to call the store when i was finished. i went home. i called them after i was done. they called back 15 minutes later and offered me the job.
itll be interesting working retail. its something ive never done before. if i like it, thats great, maybe i can move up in the company. if i hate it, my feelings wont be hurt, but at least ill have tried something new. problem is, this is a trendy store and i am anything but trendy. hello kitty is totally NOT my image. though they do have quite a nice line of gothy type stuff. this should be... quite the learning experience.

October 03, 2006

follow up on glasses

the place i ordered my new frames from -- go-optic.com had the nerve to send me a customer satisfaction survey... asking how im enjoying my 'new product'. funny, the stupid fucks havent even PROCESSED it yet! at least, according to their website. the email said "Please rate your delivery satisfaction with Go-Optic.com on your recent 09/29/2006 order." i had this to say in reply:

I was REALLY excited to find my glasses frames online at go-optic. I ordered them Friday night. I also requested NEXT-DAY OVERNIGHT delivery. Well guess what... as of midnight on Monday night, the order still had NOT been processed. I am very angry and upset. They even had the audacity to charge my bank account BEFORE the order had supposedly been processed. I am NOT very happy at all. I will NEVER recommend go-optic to anyone. Ever.

and what pisses me off just as much, if not more, is that for some reason, their website has been 404ing for about 16 hours now. so not only can i not contact them to check the status of my order, i cant bitch at them directly either. when i actually did get their website to respond, I found their toll-free number and tried calling, busy signal. sounds like its disconnected. so i decided to try the one last available method, emailing through their site:

I placed an order for a pair of glasses frames on Friday night. I also requested next-day overnight shipping from FedEx. Now, today is Tuesday, why has my order not been processed yet? Also, I do not think that its right to have to pay $28 for overnight shipping that I'm obviously not receiving. Furthermore, I have found your website responses to be unreliable, at best; additionally, when I try contacting you by telephone, I receive a busy signal, regardless of what time I am placing the call.

most certainly a fucked up day

so, i went to bed at 3am last night. not bad. about normal. got up at ten or so, watched last nights news, read email. then i took a shower and started to get dressed. i went to put my clear contacts in and soon found out quite painfully that the left one was severely ripped right through the middle. it wasnt ripped the last time i wore it. how does a contact rip while inside the case, assuming its sitting happily right in the middle of the container and solution that its supposed to be? i went frantically searching for an unopened left contact lens. lucky me. i dont have any, but ive got a right one (clear). then there are the brown ones, of which there is a new set currently in the case and three right ones... and ONE left. normally the contacts thing wouldnt be an issue except while i was in san antonio last week, my glasses broke. the frames cannot be repaired. i ordered a new set of the same frames on friday night. have the bastards shipped them yet? hell no. im paying $28 for OVERNIGHT shipping, and its tuesday and they still havent processed the order yet. though the *did* charge my bank card. im about ready to kill someone. and now i look like a fucking freak, because im wearing one clear lens and one brown lens. for some reason the right side brown lenses dont feel right. i look like an idiot.

October 01, 2006

my sister

i love my sister. probably i dont say that enough. last weekend we went out to dinner on friday with a friend of mine. then on saturday we went to a dress shop to look at dresses because she's going to the marine corps ball in november. afterward, we went to the theater and watched "Flyboys". she stayed the night at my house saturday night and we watched shows i'd recorded on my DVR. we also watched some more on sunday and then a movie on sunday afternoon. tonight she came over again and we're going to watch "Jarhead" on DVD and then watch the past week's shows off the DVR.
*you never realize what youre missing until its taken away from you. sometimes, you can only appreciate it for what it is when you get it back, if you ever get it back at all. for a long time my sister and i hadn't been really close. we'd see each other only in passing every week or two. she was busy with high school, hanging out with her friends, and later on, she had a boyfriend. 'ratface' i've taken to calling him. he really does look like a rat. i mean, i may not be a beauty queen or a super model, but i am NOT ugly (contrary to what some people might think). so, for a long time, stink and i didnt have much contact with each other. now that many of her close friends have moved away, mostly to large universities, and she got rid of ratface, we've been able to 'hang out' more together. i really enjoy it. ive missed her. i didnt realize how much i missed us being true *sisters* until recently. im glad she's back.