Sinful

i was talking with adam earlier and he told me that he had seen that roswell made the news today. he posted the following link about aliens being arrested here in roswell. The Register is an online news *spoof/sarcastic* site much like the US's National Enquirer. what surprises me is how accurate they were this time. about everything in the article is correct -to my knowledge- with the exception of all the area 51 crap. roswell is NOT in area 51.

then i was in #lockergnome and Vulcan pasted this link which is an article issued by the US government. it essentially confirms The Register's story.

funny how roswell pretty much never makes the news for anything good... or anything besides all the aliens and ufo shit.

Posted by sin at 07:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i saw a quote from al sharpton (who i normally dont give a crap about) today in this article that i really liked.

"The key to leadership is having the individual initiative to change the status quo..."

what do you guys think about this?

Posted by sin at 10:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

it seems like its been raining for days. probably because it has. off and on for about 3-4 weeks now. its been humid as hell. anyway, i was out on the back porch with my dogs earlier this afternoon when lightning struck the house, tree, and transformer in the back yard. the dogs ran for cover. i stood there like an idiot. obviously i got knocked offline and didnt have electricity for a couple hours. it was crazy. it flooded here also. i took some great pictures of my street and the surrounding neighborhood and major streets in the vicinity. it doesnt rain here like that very often. i was talking to the neighbor across the street. she says she's lived there for almost 40 years and she's never seen it flood this bad. especially not on our street. the water was about 1/3 up my driveway. glad ive got an SUV (a small one, but certainly better than the civic). ill try to post pictures of the flood tomorrow. it really sucked though when the transformer blew... i was in the middle of talking online and all of a sudden BANG!! there it went. and i couldnt get back on to say what had happened. anyway, that was the 'fun' of the day.

Posted by sin at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

if you own a home, buy extra insurance. something like american home shield because if you dont, youre going to get fucked over by your insurance company. so... im pretty sure ive already mentioned the busted pipe in my house. they're going to have to repipe the whole house. my homeowners insurance doesnt cover it, nor do they cover the broken pipe. or any damage. the adjuster told me that i have to have 'major structural damage' in order for them to pay the claim. thats just fucking great. how about i NOT FIX THE PIPE and then you motherfuckers will have to pay for it. i told them 'why do i pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars every year for YOU TO NOT PAY the claim, when i have to make one? what's the point in paying YOU if YOU wont pay ME?' finally i just hung up on her. my mom and grandma have the ahs thing (above) and they've never had a problem with claims. apparently AHS covers everything your homeowner's policy doesnt cover. looks like i need to get it. two years ago, in the summer, the water heater died. last year it was the air conditioner. this time its the pipes... i figure, what next?

Posted by sin at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

for once, i had a great day. im really excited. today i went to the meeting for the new self-directed waiver (SDW) program, that some of my former clients are going to. their mothers/guardians have been nagging at me about it for weeks, so i went. i liked what i heard. information on the Self-Directed Waiver Program can be found here. they also want me to contract with them to do something called "pathways and maps" or something along those lines. i dont have a whole lot of information on that yet, so i'll post more as it becomes available. anyway, with the SDW, what happens is i get signed on with the consulting agency. they train me. people request me. im their consultant. it's a lot like case management, but 10zillion times better. more freedom, less paperwork, less BS. im really looking forward to doing this and i cant wait until they start sending me more information on it. essentially my 'role' would be defined as this (which is taken from the Mi Via Concept Paper) - Consultants:
Consultants will help participants to understand the program and develop and implement the service and support plan. Consultants must be familiar with the planning process, have knowledge about community resources and how to seek out resources, and understand Mi Via requirements related to planning, budgets and service and support utilization. In order to avoid conflicts of interest, consultants will be independent of the entities or persons delivering services or supports, as included in the participant’s plan and individualized budget.
so anyway, im really really excited and i cant wait until i can be a part of this. i dont think i could even begin to explain how excited i am. its going to be awesome. from what i hear, consulting for the SDW is a similar role as the case management i was doing for the DDW. except a whole lot better. its similar, but not at all the same. the people who were doing the presentation today said that itll be MUCH easier than case management, and that in fact, its been defined as the 'easiest' role for the SDW. more information when i have it...

Posted by sin at 11:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

my dad called me tonight. that almost never happens. he didnt even want me to fix his computer this time. he wanted to talk, to check on me and see how things were going. its a miracle when he calls me, not the other way around. i guess im just as guilty for not staying in touch. except he should also make the effort. mostly i think its because his wife doesnt like me, or at least she doesnt act like she does. anyway, he called to check on me, and to see how things were, and to tell me he'd just gotten back from california. he said he got me something and told me i should come by the house and hang out and get whatever it is. thats one of the nice things he does, when he goes somewhere, he usually brings my sister and i back something. its sad. he lives about half a mile from me and i only see him a couple times a year.

Posted by sin at 11:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i also wanted to say that i hate you. only a little bit. but i hate you. i hate you because you make me think.

Posted by sin at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

**i dont know why i even try anymore. today was a bad day. im an emotional basketcase. and its all your fault. let me start at the beginning. (also, i apologize. someone harassed me a couple days ago about not blogging in over a week, when id 'been doing so well'... heres an incredibly long post to make up for it. im apologizing for the length.)

**i lost my job on july 31 (monday). while i expected it, it still sucked. i went to work that day with all the best intentions. i fought until the bitter end. i didnt want to leave. i sat there, i called people. i put my casenotes in. i was even nice to my coworkers. trust me, that was really hard to do. i did everything i was supposed to, just like a normal day. and then i walked out. i didnt look back and i quit caring. it hurt more than i can ever say out loud. there is a hole in my life. something is missing. theres nothing that can fill it right now, nothing that can fix it. no one can undo what was done and how that place made me feel. i hurt. i still hurt, a week and a half later. i will probably always hurt. im going to try not to be bitter.

**i got my new computer on tuesday. it was awesome. for about 3 minutes. then it practically blew up. something was wrong with the fan. it sounded like a jet trying to take off in the living room. was awful. i called dell and their tech support guy was very thorough. we did some simple diagnostics crap. turned it on and off about 5 times. it ran fine. i went to bed, woke up on wednesday morning and it sounded like the jet again. i called them back. they're sending me a new one.

**two days after being canned (wednesday), i had to go back to the office for a meeting with the 'crisis response team' from the department of labor. a lot of good that did me. i got to sit through two and a half hours of hearing all the programs the state makes available to everyone -but- me. i dont have kids. most of the programs are for people with families, people they take care of. that doesnt hold for me. i qualify for unemployment, but theres about a thousand hoops i have to jump through to get it. i left the meeting with a complete loss. it was a waste of my time. i got nothing out of it but a stack of paper that means nothing to me. it wont do me any good, and none of it will help.
**i went home, and like any good little loser, i went and logged onto the department of labor website, just like they told me to. i went to register, only to find out that the bullshit form i have to fill out doesnt have the shit on there that i need in order to qualify. it doesnt have a job description that even remotely resembles what i used to do at my old job. this was a real fucking bummer. i was pissed. i looked all over the damn form, and then i gave up. i flipped it off and then let out a string of colorful profanities and then i closed the browser window. it would probably behoof them to let people fill in blanks instead of use dropdown menus for everything. lazyasses. i guess its too hard for them to actually sit down and read the applications. :\

**thursday i took the bat to the doctor for her eye checkup. everything is good.

**on friday, i took the bat to her other eye surgery. now that the cateracts are removed, she can see much, much better. she now wears those cute little over the counter reading glasses. its amazing how much her vision has improved with two simple little surgeries. i got my new computer, to replace the one that was broken tha ti just got. also...monica and i went shopping for a baby shower for a couple therapists we used to work with. they're having a baby girl. im sure everything will go well. the baby is lucky. her parents are the epitome of a perfect couple. they're smart. they're good looking. they're healthy. they're happy. they're the all-american perfect couple. like, a true barbie and ken. im happy for them, but i cant help but be a tad bit jealous.

**saturday was the baby shower. it went as all showers go. there were cutesy little things everywhere, and all kinds of neat baby gifts. it was great. i cant say i went to it without intent to serve some of my own purposes though. two mothers of some former clients of mine were the ones throwing the shower. theyre supposed to be going to a new program by the state, something called 'mi via' which means 'my life' in spanish. its a really neat concept. basically, from what i understand, the state gives them their money for waiver services, and from there, they contract out and pay for the services their person receives. this includes therapies, day programs, and even case management. these two women have talked to me about private contracting/consulting for them. i would love to do it. almost more than anything. one of the mothers told me i needed to go to a meeting on saturday to find out more about this new waiver program. she gave me the time, place, etc, info. looks like ill be spending a couple hours of my saturday afternoon checking on a job. probably this is a good thing.

**i got my new computer set up (finally) on sunday. it works beautifully. everything is great and running well. the thing i hate most about new computers is that you have to load everything back onto them, so you have 'the good stuff' from your old computer. and then, when you touch your old computer, it doesnt feel right because youve gotten used to the new one. its weird.

**i have a water leak in my house. i opened up my water bill, which is normally $27, only to discover that it was $88. needless to say, i had a heart attack. i looked and looked and looked and looked. i have a water leak between the bathrooms. i spent all day yesterday (wednesday) on the phone with the insurance company and looking for a plumber. no one called me back.

**today, i finally got ahold of a plumber, and the insurance adjuster called me back. she'll be out on monday. she told me to save all my receipts. 'just in case i wanted to file a claim'. bah. fuckers. you pay how many hundreds of dollars every year for something, and then when you need it, they tell you no? crock. the plumber will be here in the morning. thats the soonest anyone can come.

**i also got incredibly sad today. and right around the same time, i saw two of my online friends talking about something in a way that utterly disgusted me. it was repulsive. it made me mad and it hurt my feelings. i know neither of them meant to, but they still hurt me. it hurts all the same, even if they werent talking about me specifically. one left before i said anything. it hurt me bad enough to see them talk that way that i had to get up and leave. i cried, because as i said earlier, im an emotional basketcase. theres too much running though my head right now. too many emotions, too many feelings. all of them conflicting.

**and then i got in a fight with my grandma. (makes me look real good, doesnt it.) i came over to her house this evening. my mom called, she wanted to know if i wanted to go see my sister at work. i didnt. grandma did. we hung up. i said to the bat, 'ill be glad when stink goes to school.' (she starts college at the end of the month.) the bat asked me why. i told her that i missed homework. she said "why dont you go back to school? since youre not working, you ought to at least be doing something." i told her i'd like to. i miss school. i want to go back. she asked me what i wanted to do. i told her i wanted to either get my MBA or go to law school and get my law degree. then, in a hateful voice, she says "what would you do with those, why not do something worthwhile. its not like you can actually do either. youve got to dress the part. wear heels, hose, skirts." thanks for dashing my hopes... she says "you cant seem to dress up. youd never make it in that world. you cant play the part. you wont dress it. youve got to make some sacrifices. look at you, you throw a fit when you hear people eat." (thats because they eat like pigs and have no manners. im sorry i got smacked around and/or yelled at when i made noise at the table. i cant help being the way i am.) i asked her what she thought i should do and she tells me i should go back to the medical field. go be a teacher. i dont really want to do either and i tell her so. 'ive already done the medical thing. remember, one of my good friends was murdered on a call the day after i got my EMS license. every time i hear a siren. see an ambulance. drive past the street where he was killed. go to the hospital.... i think of steve. i think about him every day. steve was a good man. he was murdered trying to save someone's life. hell of a way to go. i cant do it anymore.' (and seriously, thats when i *did* give up. i finished out that semester and never went back.) i told her that i couldnt be a teacher. i cant handle kids. maybe she liked being a first grade teacher for 30 years, but thats not for me. the bat was hateful, she said mean things. then she walked out the door to go get my mom. as she was leaving, i said 'thanks for making me feel good about myself'. she yelled 'WHAT" at me, and so i repeated it louder. she slammed the door when she left.

**what's really pathetic... i called my mom when the bat left to tell on her. to tell my mom that the bat had been mean to me. that's sad. "im telling mom!" how lame is that?

Posted by sin at 06:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)