i feel...
sad. and i dont know why. i feel like i just lost my best friend. which is weird, because im pretty sure i still have all my friends, unless theres something i dont know yet. :\
*saturday, sunday, and monday were all pretty good days. i was feeling great. my migraine had finally kind of gone away for the most part, but was still lingering on. i hate that. but those were good days otherwise. as noted in a previous post, i even went to the movies. i was real proud of myself for 'going out', so to speak. tuesday was a living hell. i spent most of the day doubled over and/or curled up in bed. it was about a 30 on a 1-10 pain scale. i still dont know what was wrong. wednesday was much the same, though not quite as bad. today held slight improvement.
*anyway, today i went out to the school, as has become a habit of the past few thursdays. i really enjoy going out there and hanging out with the kids. i think they like me. in fact, some of them hugged me while i was there. and clung to me. which was a bit excessive, but i cant say i didnt enjoy it. it felt good to be hugged, even if it was tiny little kids doing it. im happy when im there, i guess im just glad i dont -have- to go out to the school. i go because i want to. and, in a small way, it kind of makes me feel good about myself. today i started reading them a book by Bill Wallace called "a dog called kitty". it was one of my favorites when i was their age. they seemed to enjoy it too.
*also, there was a new student. a red-haired boy with bright blue eyes. neat haircut. he was clean, and well-dressed. about as 'well dressed' as school uniforms can get. (background story: mom swears this kid is, for lack of a better explaination, 'dumber than a box of rocks', but those arent her exact words. she says hes really behind, and is at an incredibly low reading level.) while mom was out of the room, he turned to me and asked me if he could come talk to me, to ask me a question. he sounds like a really bright young man, for a nine year old (or perhaps eight). i told him 'sure, come here.' so he did, he brings his paper and his pencil, stares up into my eyes and tells me, quietly, that he doesnt understand the assignment. not that i blame him, because im three times his age and it was confusing as hell to me too. i hate the way textbooks 'teach' things these days. anyway, i helped him with the first one, it was an english assignment, i even drew arrows on how he was supposed do it. something clicked, and he quickly lit up, you could see the happiness and excitement in his eyes. he "got it" and was really amazed, because it made sense now... with the help of a couple of arrows. he thanked me, then went back to his desk and finished up the paper and went to turn it in. when he passed me, he whispered in my ear, 'thanks, that really helped. all i needed was a push.' turns out that that's all it took. i wanted to cry, i was so happy for him. im going to take bets and say that hes probably a visual learner, and probably (which im almost sure of) hes a slow reader and maybe he needs glasses or is dyslexic.
*later, he asked me if i could take him to the school library, because he was new and had never been. we walked down to the library and talked to the librarian. he wasnt in the computer system yet, so he was kind of sad, but then lit up like a christmas tree when she told him that he could check out books anyway and she'd just write them down and enter them later when she set his account up. he beamed, seriously. it turns out that though hes in the third grade, he reads at a first grade level, and he reads quite slowly at that, but he says he loves reading. im glad that he tries. some kids dont. i see so much potential in him, its sitting right on the surface. i know he needs help, but he cant get it, because the school district hasnt tested him to see if he needs special education classes yet. to me, it would seem obvious that he does, especially with reading. i hope, that with some extra help, isaac can get to where he needs to be. or at least closer than he is now. hes such a sweet little guy. there IS a spark there, it just needs a little bit more kindling to turn into a fire.
*and on that note id like to throw my two cents in on what i think about president bush's No Child Left Behind. its a crock of shit. NCLB leaves EVERY child behind. the ones that need help arent getting it, and the ones that dont are being dragged down by the ones that do.