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January 30, 2005


**ok, so im sure you noticed that ive been playing with the stylesheet for the blog. if it looks the same (with that ugly blue it used to have) hit refresh. thanks go out to Aine for telling me where to go so i could change the colors! ive never messed with css before so it was a chore... kinda. css is great, now if i could just learn how to do it instead of just making changes to one already built. :\
**i also got the links back up for Rob and Aine... if you want me to link you you can email me, pm me on irc, or post a response here and ill make sure to add it. with the troubles over the last couple of weeks with this silly thing, i lost everyone that id linked to. sorry guys!

January 29, 2005


apparently the last couple of pm's in irc that i got regarding my blog being broken was due to the fact that i needed to post! whoops.

whats new lately, lets see... on monday, i borked my ankle. its a pretty mixture of green/black/purple. eww. im in a walking cast for the next week or so, hopefully not longer. im going to denver again in a couple of weeks (YAY!!) so i hope i dont have that stupid thing on my leg, as it would be hell with the damn security checkpoints. also, on monday, i got sick. ive had a cold. it sucks. almost over it now, woot! other than that, nothing much is going on.. except my mom is going to london for spring break and im fucking jealous. good for her though. sucks to be me!

January 20, 2005


**another day, another class. went to macroeconomics this morning. realized i had the wrong book. was ok, because after class my friend who works at the bookstore called my cell and said "dude! come return your book, we got a used one in!" so i did, got $23 and some change back. YAY!
**called my friend kelly, we went out to lunch. everything was fine and dandy. except then we heard about a mutual former friend of ours in jail. for some really bad shit. lets just say theres a good reason my friend "W" divorced him and got herself and her kid far far away from him. i THOUGHT "G" was a good guy, turns out hes not and i hope he burns in hell.
**anyway, after lunch i was feeling horrid (beginning to be the norm) so i went and took a nap. slept almost two hours and woke up feeling just as bad.
**watched the apprentice (KICKASS!) i wont talk about it any further because i know my buddy arvind hasnt seen it yet and i dont want to ruin it for him. glad its back on the air. thats the one "hour" of television i make time for during the week. back to school, im better off hitting the books instead, but the apprentice is a "business" related show and i can attribute some of the things i see in it to what im learning in class.
**lonely again tonight. *sigh* perhaps ill get used to it. though i hate that thought.

January 19, 2005

school, life, bleh.

**today i had to get up early, bah! early means before noon. i got up at 740. not TOO early, but still about 4 hours earlier than ive gotten myself used to. i hate not being able to sleep at night.
**so, this morning i got up, showered, dressed, made myself look semi-decent, and went to macroeconomics. at first i wasnt too happy about it. i had this instructor last semester and dropped the first day. i didnt like her "YOU WILL CALL ME MA'AM" bullshit. today she didnt do that. shes a lot more relaxed than she was last semester. i told her after class about how im sick, she was very kind and understanding and said she would accomodate me in any way she could, provided i bring some "proof". considering all instructors have to have proof to make medical accomodations, i dont mind. i have plenty of proof.
**then... i went and made a payment on my tuition for one of the universities (the local one). there went $50 of birthday money. it was worse when i walked into the bookstore and found that there were only "new" books being sold for my econ class. that was another $94 of birthday money. i had six dollars left for lunch. yay. *grumble*
**i went home. i ordered my global business textbook, it was $72. not so bad. better than econ. all my other books i either already had or they were given to me. it should be here tomorrow. then, i got a call. my new glasses came in!! but i think i look like a dork/nerd. wanna see? click here. or here.
**this evening i went to business law two. not so bad. i miss my old buddies from last semester though. the thirteen of us were really cool together, most of the time. now theres only six and four of the people are new. betty and i scared the hell out of everyone telling them TRUE war stories about the instructor.
**all in all it was a good day but i was in a lot of pain. it took everything i had to get to and actually stay in class. enjoyed some face to face interaction with "friends" from last semester. but i hurt so bad. even with the pills, i still hurt. its definitely not fun. and i get kind of sad. everyone else has a life they can go to. mine has no escape.
**i get lonely. i understand that people have to work. i wonder if they know im here, on the other side of the screen, waiting for them to come home from their outside life. a life i dont currently have. a life i am jealous of. i remember being happy and not in constant pain and going and doing things and having fun at work. i miss it. i was talking to someone about this earlier. thanks for being here for me. its appreciated more than you probably know. you're very dear to me and i love you. the same goes to everyone else who has supported me through this. you guys are great and i enjoy your friendship and i care for each and every one of you. it means a lot.

January 17, 2005

birthdays and school

**ok. so today was my birthday. big whoop. spent most of the day feeling crappy, tired, sick, bleh. chatted in IRC with my buddies (thanks everyone for making my day not so bad). got a birthday card in the mail saturday (that i didnt check until today-- po box and all that). i got some flowers and some gifts and a nice dinner from my family. i also got some money that will help me pay for the other two books i need for college and some of my tuition. every little bit helps when you dont get financial aid.
**my dad called. dad rarely calls and im surprised he remembered. i bet my sister called him to tell him it was my birthday. anyhow, lucky me i get to go eat dinner with him and his wife later this week. i love my dad, but i have to be civil to his wife, and my relationship with her has never been good.
**school starts up again for me tomorrow. i have macroeconomics on tuesday and thursday mornings from 930-1045 (bleh!). and then i have business law two on tuesday and thursday nights from 530-645 and employment discrimination law on wednesday nights from 530-645. the rest of my courses are online, thankfully. more on this later.

January 15, 2005

props out to KJ!!

Thanks KJ! I appreciate the work you did to get this fixed. Now... what to do what to do? Start over from scratch or try to figure out how the hell to get the old posts back... *grumble*


So...we've made progress. I've gotten this error:
Use of uninitialized value in substitution iterator at lib/MT/Util.pm line 146.

that may be a problem. We'll see.


Not working?

January 14, 2005


Got the blog back up. Now if I can just figure out how the fuck to get my old entries on here. *sigh*

January 12, 2005


**ok. so the doctor's office called monday. i have an appointment to see the specialist on february 17. a month and a few days from now. i can see how concerned -they- are. i guess they're fortunate they don't have to deal with me for the next few weeks. things aren't so great lately. the nausea is killing me. stupid meds. i'm exhausted all the time, i hurt, and i feel like im going to vomit everywhere. (you guys probably didn't want to know all that. sorry.) before, it used to be some days are better than others. now it seems like im down to some hours are better than others. *sigh*
monday night i went to bed about 1am. i couldn't sleep because i hurt so much, so i got back up and tried going back to bed right around 3. i fell into troubled sleep because i was hurting, jolted awake at 530 and laid there doubled over, crying until nearly 7am... this was the beginning of tuesday... and it continued most of the day. i can see things are only getting worse but i hope that they will get better soon. particularly because i don't want to spend my birthday in bed, and classes start the day after, on tuesday the 18.

January 06, 2005

bah, doctors. blargh specialists.

**ok, so several of you who have seen my latest entries have probably noticed me saying "im sick." or "i feel like crap." there's a reason for this. i finally went to the doctor today.
**as many of you dont know, i have endometriosis. this was supposed to have been taken care of back when i was 19 (im almost 23 now). i find out now (and i probably knew then, but didnt think about it) that they couldnt get all of the "ickies" cauterized due to the location of where they were at. i've been through several rounds of hormone replacement/horome prevention therapy, and even ended up on chemo. it looks now, though, that the lesions/nodules/littlebleedingbastardcells implanted all over the inside of my abdomen/pelvis are beginning to create havoc on my body once again.
**bad news: my doctor can no longer deal with this. worse news: i have to now see a specialist. even shittier news: i am likely to have either of two surgeries in the somewhat-near future. my choices are-- laser surgery to kill off all the nasty buggers, or to have my uterus removed. fun thoughts there. NOT. particularly not when the rest of my life is falling apart. or that im trying to graduate this semester and im taking 18 hours and a good majority of the classes are BLAH! and a couple of my instructors are known jerkoffs. *shrug* more on this shit later.

January 05, 2005

New Year, New Hell

**I know today is the 5th. I don't care. I thought about making an entry on the first.... thought about it for all of 6 seconds and decided it could wait. School starts in a couple of weeks. On the 18th. I'm not that excited. Here's my schedule:
Microeconomics (R)- 930-1045am
Business Law 2 (P)- 530-645pm
Employment Discrimination Law- 530-645pm
Microeconomics (R)- 930-1045am
Business Law 2 (P)- 530-645pm
Theater Appreciation (R)
Employment Discrimination Law (other half) (P)
Compensation Management (P)
Global Business (P)

**Oh yes, and its almost my birthday. I'm figuring my family will probably forget. They generally do, unless I say something. I don't care that much anymore. I'm sick and get to go to the doctor tomorrow to see if I have to change my medications or go back on chemo. As Astraeus and Mort would say "Buttock Crunchies". I think I'm losing my mind. I need a vacation. I know, I know. I had one last month, but it felt SO good to get away from all the bullshit in my "offline" life.