Sinful

Today I was talking with someone about so-called 'music quality' and decided to put "my" speakers and subwoofer up against the wonderfully awesome Bose speakers on another computer. the Bose won hands down on music quality when played at a higher volume, but couldnt hold a candle to the bass that my regular speakers and subwoofer put up... we decided to play this particular song "dry your eyes" by The Streets, one that i'd borrowed from subwolf back when he lived here... (special note, if you watch the video and read the lyrics some of the song has been cut out of the video - the fuckin just fuckin etc part... guess even british television censors shit.)

its an incredibly sad song when you sit and listen to it. makes you think of all the things that never were, could have been but werent... depressing. but its a really sweet song when you think about it. *sniff* and i remember crying to this song more than once, for several different reasons and memories that i wont share.

Lyrics are as follows:

In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round
I stand there for a minute starin' straight into the ground
Lookin' to the left slightly, then lookin' back down
World feels like it's caved in - proper sorry frown
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship, if you must
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over like she's lookin' straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she's lookin' down at her feet
Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over
So then I move my hand up from down by my side
It's shakin', my life is crashin' before my eyes
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh
'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me
There's things I can't imagine doin', things I can't imagine seein'
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely
Please, please, I beg you please
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she's blessed with
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures
By pushin' my hand away to my chest, from hers
Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over
And I'm just standin' there, I can't say a word
'Cause everythin's just gone
I've got nothin'
Absolutely nothin'
Tryin' to pull her close out of bare desperation
Put my arms around her tryin' to change what she's sayin'
Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in
Look into her eyes to make her listen again
I'm not gonna fuckin', just fuckin' leave it all now
'Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow
And you're gonna let our things simply crash and fall down
You're well out of order now, this is well out of town
She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist
Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight
Turns around so she's now got her back to my face
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away
Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over
I know in the past I've found it hard to say
Tellin' you things, but not tellin' straight
But the more I pull on your hand and say
The more you pull away
Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now.

Posted by sin at 04:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i recently acquired the Amy Winehouse CD "Back to Black" and I *really* like it. There's a couple songs on there that I seem to like more than the others, though to me the entire CD is pretty fucking awesome. She has some hella hair - see the links to videos... Here's the lyrics:

"Back to Black":
He left no time to regret
Kept his dick wet
With his same old safe bet
Me and my head high
And my tears dry
Get on without my guy
You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through
And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I'll go back to black
We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to.....
I go back to us
I love you much
It's not enough
You love blow and I love puff
And life is like a pipe
And I'm a tiny penny rolling up the walls inside
We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to
We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to
Black, black, black, black, black, black, black,
I go back to
I go back to
We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to
We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to black

And then there's "Tears Dry On Their Own":

All I'll can ever be to you
Is a darkness that we knw,
And this regret I got accustomed to.
Once it was so right
When we were at our high,
Waiting for you in the hotel at night.
I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached.
It's my responsibility,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity.
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own.
I don't understand,
Why do I stress a man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could've never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is an inevitable withdrawal.
Even if I stop wanting you
A perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon.
I couldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men.
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own.
So we are history,
Your shadow covers me,
The sky above
A blaze
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own.
I wish I could say no regrets,
And no emotional debts,
Cause as we kiss goodbye the sun sets.
So we are history,
Your shadow covers me,
The sky above a blaze that only lovers see.
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way,
In my blue shade
My tears dry on their own.
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I am grown
And in your way,
My deep shade,
My tears dry on their own.
He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way,
My deep shade,
My tears dry...

Posted by sin at 08:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

sums up the last post quite well:
The Nobodies - Marilyn Manson --

Today I'm dirty
I want to to be pretty
Tomorrow I know, I'm just dirt
Today I'm dirty
I want to to be pretty
Tomorrow I know, I'm just dirt

We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are

Yesterday I was dirty
Wanted to be pretty
I know now that I'm forever dirt
Yesterday I was dirty
Wanted to be pretty
I know now that I'm forever dirt

We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are

Some children died the other day
We feed machines and then we pray
Look up and down mortified
You should have seen the ratings that day
Some children died the other day
We feed machines and then we pray
Look up and down mortified
You should have seen the ratings that day

We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies
We're dead, we know just who we are

Posted by sin at 04:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Fall Out Boy - XO

I comb the crowd and pick you out
My mouth moves too fast for you to figure it out
It starts eyes closed to fingers crossed
"To I swear, I say"
"To I swear, I say"

To hands between legs, to "whatever it takes"
To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stairs to the emergency exit door

To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say (I say, I say, I say)
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
Put your ear to the speaker
And choose love or sympathy
But never both
Love never wanted me

"I hoped you choked
And crashed your car"
Hey "tear catcher", that's all that you are
And ever were
From the start
I swear, I say
I swear, I say

To hands between legs, to "whatever it takes"
To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stairs to the emergency exit door

To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
Put your ear to the speaker
And choose love or sympathy
But never both, no

To the love I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyhole I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
(Loose lips sink ships)

To the love I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyholes I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
(Loose lips sink ships)
[x2]

To the love I left my conscience pressed [x3]
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me" I say

Posted by sin at 05:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

the lyrics to this song are very meaningful to me right now...

Artist: Snow Patrol
Song: Chocolate Lyrics

This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

--ive felt pretty dead lately. see recent blog posts. the providers ive worked with for the past 11 months *do* feel like home. im comfortable with them. im going to miss my clients very badly. we've been through some great times and some really hard times as well. i couldnt be more proud of them, but sometimes i feel like i didnt make a difference at all.

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

--yeah, sometimes i hate my name. i also feel like im starting all over again what with all the changes in my life recently. and also, im not 25 for another 6 months.

This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time

--it does feel like the final straw, the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. i am sorry. im very sorry. its not my choice to abandon my people, but i enjoyed it while it lasted.

You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

--i dont think i need to explain this. you guys are smart enough to get the point. but on another note and completely different subject, i feel like this about my job too, my clients. its been my entire life for almost a year now. but now my judgement is so clouded, i cant even think straight.

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

--its true, i did see this all coming. i knew my company was closing back in december, but i didnt think it would happen this soon. otherwise, this could apply to something else, perhaps even a couple years in the making. im being cryptic here.

What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time

--its too late to do anything about it. i cant stop it from happening. perhaps mistakes were made on my part. maybe i shouldnt be so attached. id do anything to keep my clients but there is no 'this time'.

Posted by sin at 07:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

im too lazy to tell you guys about my new job. ill save that for my post this weekend. but i wanted to share these thoughts.
i found a new "favourite song". it's by franz ferdinand, "come on home"...

Although my lover lives in a place that I can't live
I find I like a life this lonely
It rips and pierces me
I love the rip of nerves
The rip that wakes me
I'm dissatisfied, I love dissatisfied
I love to feel there's always more that I need
London never gives what I want it to give

So Come On Home

So you talk down to me, the few times you talk to me
I'm not scared of words, but I fear voices
I replace you easily, replace pathetically
I flirt with any flighty thing that falls my way
But how I needed you
When I needed you.
Lets not forget we are so strong, so bloody strong

So Come On Home
But don't forget to leave

Posted by sin at 10:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

every time i listen to this song it brings back memories. just thought id share it with you all. its quite a good song, and if you havent heard it, you might give it a listen... you might like it.

The Used - It's Hard To Say Lyrics

the singer finished singing and she's walking out
the singer sheds a tear fear of falling out
and it's hard to say how i feel today
our years gone by, and i cry

it's hard to say that i was wrong
it's hard to say i miss you
since you've been gone it's not the same

my worries weigh the world how i used to be
and everything in cold seems a plague in me
and its hard to say how i feel today
our years gone by, and i cry

it's hard to say that i was wrong
its hard to say i miss you
since you've been gone it's not the same
it's hard to say i have my
it's hard to say if only
since you've been gone it's not the same

words that i fear is the lie i told a thousand times before
words that i fear is the night
but it's hard to say how i feel today
our years gone by, and i cry

it's hard to say that i was wrong
it's hard to say i miss you
since you've been gone it's not the same
it's hard to say i have my tongue
it's hard to say if only
since you've been gone i'm not the same
it's hard to say (god it's hard to say)
since you've been gone, i'm not the same

Posted by sin at 01:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The following is lyrics to one of the best songs/speeches ive ever heard. It has a lot of good advice. It seems, lately, ive listened to this song at least once a day to remind me that everything isnt as bad as it seems.

Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen, Baz Luhrmann

**Wear sunscreen.
**If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
**Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
**Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
**Do one thing every day that scares you.
**Sing.
**Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
**Floss.
**Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
**Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
**Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
**Stretch.
**Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
**Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
**Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
**Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
**Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
**Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
**Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
**Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
**Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
**Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
**Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
**Respect your elders.
**Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
**Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
**Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
**But trust me on the sunscreen.

Posted by sin at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

How do you do
what you do to me?
I'm feeling blue,
wish I knew how you do it to me
but I haven't a clue.

Posted by sin at 02:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)