Got this from handplane at BT
though you might like it

> Your last name stays put.
> The garage is all yours.
> Wedding plans take care of themselves.
> Chocolate is just another snack.
> You can be President.
> You can never be pregnant.
> You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
> You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
> Car mechanics tell you the truth.
> The world is your urinal.
> You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one
> just too icky.
> You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
> Same work, more pay.
> Wrinkles add character.
> Wedding dress- $5000. Tux rental- $100.
> People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
> The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
> New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
> One mood - all the time.
> Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
> You know stuff about tanks.
> A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
> You can open all your own jars.
> You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
> If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
> Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
> Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
> You almost never have strap problems in public.
> You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
> Everything on your face stays its original color.
> The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
> You only have to shave your face and neck.
> You can play with toys all your life.
> Your belly usually hides your big hips.
> One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
> You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
> You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
> You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
> You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25