HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN TEXAS

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16
work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo
magazine and your NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant-sized dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more ammunition. Back
in about an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this
morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part
in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of em in the house. Better wait in your
truck till I get back."