Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning
labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a fool.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse
with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu
powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and
see something really scary.
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible or
worse bulletproof.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH
you.
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
The consumption of alcohol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode.