A person from rural Kansas shares these helpful country definitions for the computer illiterate:

Log on—Making the woodstove hotter.

Log off—Don’t add any more wood.

Monitor—Keeping an eye on the woodstove.

Download—Getting the firewood off the pickup.

Megahertz—Happens when you’re not careful downloading.

Floppy disk—What you get from stacking too much firewood.

Modem—What you did to the hay fields.

Hard drive—How you get home in the winter season.

Keyboard—Where you hang your car keys.

Software—Plastic eating utensils.

Laptop—Where the little kids feel comfy.