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prozac420
Posted on: Jul 18 2009, 12:27 PM


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Group: Member
Posts: 8
Joined: 2-January 08
From: La Porte, TX
Member No.: 638


A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!).

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk
The President was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets? The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you 25,000 that your balls are square.

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square.

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president. That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says, "The President's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied.

The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hand.

  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2580 · Replies: 0 · Views: 29,670

prozac420
Posted on: Sep 5 2008, 08:58 PM


Newbie
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Group: Member
Posts: 8
Joined: 2-January 08
From: La Porte, TX
Member No.: 638


It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the
son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.


The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American history. 'Who said Give me Liberty , or give me Death?'


She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
'Patrick Henry, 1775.'


'Very good!' said the teacher. 'Now, who said, Government of the people, by
the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'


Again, no response except from Pedro: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863.'


The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!'


She heard a loud whisper: 'Screw the Mexicans!'


'Who said that?' she demanded.


Pedro put his hand up. 'Jim Bowie, 1836.'


At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'



The teacher glared and asked, 'All right! Now, who said that?'


Again, Pedro answered, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'


Now furious, another student yelled, 'Oh, yeah? Suck this!'


Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher,
'Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'


Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, 'If you say anything
else, I'll kill you!'


Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, 'Gary Condit to Chandra
Levy, 2001.'


The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor,
someone said, 'Oh, shit, were in BIG trouble now!'


Pedro whispered, 'Saddam Hussein, 2003.'


Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted,
'Duck'!


The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked 'Who said that?'


Pedro: 'Dick Cheney 2006!'

  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2371 · Replies: 0 · Views: 30,311

prozac420
Posted on: Jul 7 2008, 04:48 AM


Newbie
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Group: Member
Posts: 8
Joined: 2-January 08
From: La Porte, TX
Member No.: 638




laugh.gif
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2362 · Replies: 2 · Views: 35,634

prozac420
Posted on: Mar 11 2008, 12:23 PM


Newbie
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Group: Member
Posts: 8
Joined: 2-January 08
From: La Porte, TX
Member No.: 638


Gone on a blind date
Skipped school X
Watched someone die
Been to Canada
Been to Mexico
Been to Florida X
Been on a plane X
Been lost X
Been on the opposite side of the country X (North and East)
Gone to Washington, DC
Swam in the ocean X
Cried yourself to sleep X
Played cops and robber X
Recently colored with crayons
Sang Karaoke X
Paid for a meal with coins only? X
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? X
Made prank phone calls X
Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose X
Caught a snowflake on your tongue X
Danced in the rain X
Written a letter to Santa Claus X
Been kissed under the mistletoe X
Watched the sunrise with someone you care about X
Blown bubbles X
Gone ice-skating X
Been skinny dipping outdoors X
Gone to the movies X

1. Any nickname? proz, prozie
2. Mother's name? Patsy
3. Favorite drink? Coke, Starbuck's Frappucino (bottled), Monster Java flavors
4. Tattoo? 2
5. Body Piercings? 7
6. How much do you love your job? loved it until the back problems set in
7. Birthplace? Pasadena, TX
8, Favorite vacation spot? Hot Springs, Arkansas
9. Ever been to Africa ? no, but Egypt would be interesting
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? yep
11. Ever been on TV? yes
12. Ever steal any traffic sign? no
13. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? both (2-wheel and 4-wheel too tongue.gif )
15. Favorite salad dressing? Italian, peppercorn ranch
16. Favorite pie? pumpkin, (and The Rock's favorite kind of pie too)
17. Favorite number? the winning ones
18. Favorite movie? that's a toughie, erm Biker Boys or Soul Plane
20. Favorite dessert? tapioca or rice pudding, flan
21. Favorite food? Pozole or tacos
22. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
23. Favorite brand of body wash? whatever is cheap or on sale
24. Favorite toothpaste? whatever works
25. Favorite smell? pepperoni pizza, fajitas
26. What do you do to relax? ride the motorcycle, sauna, steam room, hot tub
27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? working as a chemical plant operator ($$$$)
28. Furthest place you will send this message? here?
29. Who will respond to this the fastest? the next person that reads it tongue.gif
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2342 · Replies: 6 · Views: 46,809

prozac420
Posted on: Jan 5 2008, 08:44 PM


Newbie
*

Group: Member
Posts: 8
Joined: 2-January 08
From: La Porte, TX
Member No.: 638


Hehe. God forbid I should turn loose the story of Nick The Dragonslayer. blink.gif
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2328 · Replies: 2 · Views: 35,109

prozac420
Posted on: Jan 5 2008, 04:55 PM


Newbie
*

Group: Member
Posts: 8
Joined: 2-January 08
From: La Porte, TX
Member No.: 638


A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago .

The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes, because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2325 · Replies: 2 · Views: 35,109

prozac420
Posted on: Jan 3 2008, 06:24 AM


Newbie
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Group: Member
Posts: 8
Joined: 2-January 08
From: La Porte, TX
Member No.: 638


I think just about everyone knows me from one place or another.

On Any Crazy Day
  Forum: Introductions · Post Preview: #2319 · Replies: 1 · Views: 27,606

prozac420
Posted on: Jan 2 2008, 11:45 PM


Newbie
*

Group: Member
Posts: 8
Joined: 2-January 08
From: La Porte, TX
Member No.: 638


Muahahahaha!!!!! My new blog incarnation. On Any Crazy Day @ http://prozie.net biggrin.gif
  Forum: Websites and Forums · Post Preview: #2318 · Replies: 21 · Views: 178,894


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