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maxnmike
Posted on: Nov 8 2010, 01:09 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Do you ever have one of those moments when you are surfing the internet and you read or see something and think "Nic would love this"? And then you remember that she is not here any longer... While it doesn't hurt now as much as it once did, it still hurts and causes moments of sadness.
I miiss you Nic and I thing you would have loved this.

http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2993 · Replies: 0 · Views: 15,935

maxnmike
Posted on: May 23 2010, 12:05 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


She was a special person. Always willing to give of herself no matter what it cost her. She had a big heart.
  Forum: Introductions · Post Preview: #2908 · Replies: 7 · Views: 21,024

maxnmike
Posted on: May 22 2010, 11:54 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Hello Clay, I thought this might be you. Welcome to the closet forums. Feel free to look around. We miss her too, so very much.
  Forum: Introductions · Post Preview: #2906 · Replies: 7 · Views: 21,024

maxnmike
Posted on: May 22 2010, 03:57 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Jenn, I know that you liked this poem, so I will put it here and think of you whenever I read it. Good-bye my friend. I miss you so much.


ASCENSION

And if I go,
while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
--behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
--both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
...I will be there.

"Ascension"
Copyright ©1987, Colleen Corah Hitchcock
  Forum: News · Post Preview: #2903 · Replies: 10 · Views: 58,711

maxnmike
Posted on: May 11 2010, 02:53 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Damn it, I was sure I was going to get to ban another spammer when I saw that name. I am so disappointed now. laugh.gif
  Forum: Introductions · Post Preview: #2891 · Replies: 4 · Views: 10,357

maxnmike
Posted on: Dec 29 2009, 03:34 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Hmm... déjà vu?
  Forum: Writings · Post Preview: #2735 · Replies: 1 · Views: 7,155

maxnmike
Posted on: Oct 4 2009, 06:52 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


It was a moment of weakness. It won't happen again.
  Forum: Introductions · Post Preview: #2690 · Replies: 4 · Views: 11,608

maxnmike
Posted on: Oct 3 2009, 02:50 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


This is from a thread on Fark. He did like that hat. smile.gif

  Forum: News · Post Preview: #2686 · Replies: 3 · Views: 10,401

maxnmike
Posted on: Oct 2 2009, 03:08 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Although we hadn't talked much lately I considered you a friend. Something that very few people ever manage to do. I have a great deal of respect for you and how you lived your life. Even though you were given a poor hand, you never folded. You anted up and played it through to the end. You didn't complain or whine about you life, you just did the best you could and sometimes more. While I am sorry you are gone, I am also glad, because now you are free. Good-By my friend, I will miss you greatly.

Mike
  Forum: News · Post Preview: #2684 · Replies: 3 · Views: 10,401

maxnmike
Posted on: Sep 11 2009, 10:35 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


I spend my time here killing spammers. Now, the question is, are you and should I?
  Forum: Writings · Post Preview: #2678 · Replies: 2 · Views: 8,012

maxnmike
Posted on: Aug 16 2009, 08:05 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2634 · Replies: 0 · Views: 9,905

maxnmike
Posted on: Apr 11 2009, 10:34 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Similar to the Evil Overlord List, this is a list of things to do/know if you join a scientific spec-ops team. Doesn't matter if you're called in to check in on some colonists nabbed by aliens, investigate the death of a bunch of scientists, or eliminate a bunch of zombies, this list applies.



I refuse to go into the underground research facility, deep-space research facility, deep-sea research facility, radio-blacked out colony, derelict alien ship, or abandoned ghost ship.

If forced into attempting any of the above six missions, I will go AWOL. Prison showers are almost certainly preferable to what awaits.

I will carry more than one gun and carry as many as humanly possible.

In line with above, I will carry more than one mag per gun. I have a belt, and intend to fill it.

If the hallways of the operations area are big enough to allow it, I will bring along a small field artillery piece.

No matter what my CO says, if my job is to plant a nuclear device to destroy the facility/ship, it is not necessary for me to endanger my life by traveling to the center of the structure to plant the bomb, I'm sure the entrance will prove just as effective.

If my job is to disable the AI system that runs the facility/ship, and this requires me to go to the center of the structure, I will just plant a small nuclear device at the entrance. If the blast doesn't get it, the EMP will.

If my body armor proves ineffective against whatever killed everyone in the facility/ship, I will ditch it and use the saved weight to carry more guns.

If the body armor is ineffective and so are the guns, I will ditch both and set a new track record on my way out of the ops area.

I refuse to wear any helmet that restricts my peripheral vision and does not allow me to see something rising up/dropping down right beside me.

I will request a helmet that has a small HUD linked to a camera on the back of my helmet. An additional HUD linked to a upward-pointing top mounted camera would be nice as well.

If going into some top secret facility that has lost radio communication with the outside world, I will make damn sure that I am in possession of a high quality, up to date map that will not be rendered unreadable by contact with liquid.

If I could not obtain a map, and am lost/trapped in the facility, I will not rely on the unstable, homicidal central AI to provide me with escape routes.

If I am inside a facility/ship after the stuff has hit the fan, and find myself without a map, I will head to the nearest computer terminal and consult Yahoo! Maps. The facility was built by a corporation or the government, and they can certainly afford an Internet connection.

If there is a self-destruct mechanism or impenetrable blast doors set on a running timer within the building/ship I am ordered to enter, I will guard the entrances until the timer runs out, then leave. The problem will take care of itself eventually, so there is no need to risk myself.

If mine is not the first team to be sent into the area, I will take a little time off to wonder why.

If the music suddenly gets really creepy, start spinning around with your finger on the trigger. Whoever was guarding your back is probably gone by this point anyway.

Before I go on each mission, I will rent Aliens, Resident Evil, Event Horizon, and other similar movies for pointers. I will defer the costs as "training expenses".

If there is something dripping from the ceiling up ahead, I won't bother to check if it's just water. I will leave the area immediately by the quickest available route.

If I hear odd noises, I will not be foolish enough to investigate it alone. I will take a friend or two with big guns.

If ordered to investigate the noise by my CO, I will take everyone else in the squad with me. By the time we return to where the CO was waiting, the problem will probably have solved itself.

If forced to walk underneath a hole in the ceiling, I will be cautious and investigate it thoroughly with high explosives.

If I hear odd noises coming from the ceiling, I will not lift up a panel and stick my head up to have a look around. I will lift up the panel and shove a grenade up there.

Similarly, if forced to pass a hole/grate in the walls or floor, I will throw a grenade in to make sure its clear now, and set proximity mines to make sure it is clear later.

Unless it is my last chance for survival, I will never go into any type of ventilation shaft. I know that whatever chased me up there will almost certainly be able to move faster than me in an enclosed space.

I will always take some sort of sword with me in addition to a multitude of projectile weapons. That way, when I run out of ammunition, and I will, I won't have to ineffectually slap at an opponent before being killed.

Knowingly entering a facility where illegal genetic research is being preformed would be consigning myself to death by stupidity. Therefore, I wouldn't enter, even if this entailed killing the rest of my team to avoid it.

I would never enter a dark room. I would throw in a handful of grenades and move on, assured that if anything is still alive in there, it isn't happy.

I wont make the mistake of shooting something with my smallest gun first, and then working my way up to larger firearms. I would start with my biggest gun, and if that didn't work, run like hell.

If sent off with only one companion, I would make sure it is someone I could outrun. That way, I can get away while whatever was chasing us chews on him.

If there are women on the team, I will never sleep with them right before a mission. One or the other of us will almost certainly not make it back, and I don't like 50/50 odds.

If a team-member disappears mysteriously for a long period of time and the just as mysteriously reappears, I will shoot them immediately and save myself a lot of trouble.

I will periodically look up. The importance of this can never be overstated.

If in a genetic research lab and there are lots of cages whose steel doors have been torn out, I will think about how much punishment those doors could take. Then I will think about how much punishment my frail human body can take. Then I will start thinking about where those exits were.

No matter how tempted, I will never deactivate the main power in a research facility. I know those doors are magnetically locked and electrified for a reason.

I will never deactivate the main computer in a facility. Even though its automated defenses may be slaughtering the rest of the team, they are still holding back whatever killed the original occupants.

I will stay away from any elevators. Nothing good ever comes from an elevator in these situations.

I will never negotiate with whatever is trying to kill my team. The dialogue will almost certainly be along the lines of "Me hungry, you food".

If one of my team-members gets bitten, cut, sprayed with, or otherwise exposed to a bio-agent, I will kill them immediately. They will only turn on me, and the antidote never works anyway.

The sexiest female will always make it out, mainly because she is surrounded by men who willingly throw themselves in the path of anything that attempts to harm her. I will stay close to that female, and when I am the last male left, I will throw her in the path of whatever is attempting to harm us.

I will make sure that when I finally exit from the ops area, I have conserved a decent amount of ammunition. Something always goes wrong during the escape.

If I find only one survivor from among 500 or so people, I will not trust them. They had to do something to survive the carnage that killed 500 people, and I don't think it was just run really fast.

I will make sure the team will under no circumstances split up. It never helps.

If upon arriving in the ops area I hear a lot of screams from inside or see a lot of obviously mutilated dead bodies, I will leave the ops area and come back later with back up and bigger guns.

I will train to keep my cool under pressure well enough to hit a head sized target at a range of 10 feet.

I will request that any ops team I am a part of be issued body armor with environmental resistance from things like fire, airborne viruses, and acid.

The aforementioned armor will have a reflective mirrored surface, to help with those pesky automated laser defenses.

If I see something in the shadows up ahead that at first glance does not appear human, appears vaguely human, or appears human. I will forgo taking the time for a second look and lob a grenade at it instead. Better safe than sorry.

If multiple survivors are found during the course of the mission, they will be given a gun and told to make themselves useful.

However, if these survivors created or want to study whatever depopulated the facility/ship, they will not be given guns as they cannot be trusted to use them at the crucial moment, due to their conflict of interests.

Between missions I will lobby for legislature to require all secret research facilities to have heavily stocked ammo dumps in easily accessible, well marked locations.

If my team is required to use motion detectors, they better be able to scan 360 degrees, not merely 90.

If the body count is currently over 500, I will politely inform my superiors that an 8 man operations team isn't going to cut it.

If any member of the team is prone to claustrophobia, diver's high, space-mania, or panic attacks, I will deliver a request to the CO that they be left behind, instead of just being given a pep talk.

If any member of the team proves to be a corporate/government spy, I will shoot them before anyone else can react, saving the trouble of taking them prisoner only so they can escape later and sabotage the mission.

I will recommend that any form of transportation we have be parked well away from the trouble spot, that the operator stays in it, and keeps the doors sealed until the team is standing outside and ready to leave.

If we have a spare transport I will recommend that we have a spare pilot as well, to save having to remote control fly the transport in if something happens to the first.

If any member of the team takes a revolver on the mission, I will take it from them, hand them an automatic, and then slap them silly for being so stupid.

I will ensure that all guns have perfectly calibrated laser sights, even if I must pay for them myself, as missing a headshot is inexcusable.

If the team gets out of an ops area and find we are missing a man, I will recommend we leave his ass. He should have kept up in the first place.

If our mission is to shut down a rogue AI, I will not discuss our plans in any room with a visible camera and/or audio pickup.

Screw shoulder-mounted flashlights, I'll carry night vision goggles even if the cost has to come out of my paycheck.

The same goes for little pen-lights. I will carry a 3 foot mag-lite with a halogen bulb. That way, not only do I get a huge flashlight range, it can double as a club in tight situations.

If low on ammunition, I won't hesitate to roll the bodies of my teammates for ammo. They certainly don't need it anymore.

If I learn that the beings we are fighting have acid for blood or that their blood contains some sort of bio-agent, I will make damn sure I am at least 15 feet away from any I shoot.

If my team possesses an APC, but it won't fit into the corridors of the ops area, I'll rectify the situation with explosives instead of going in on foot.

If my opponents use cloaking devices that short out upon contact with water, I will always carry a small super-soaker pistol with me.

If forced to pick a position within a facility to make a last stand, it will not be a room which can easily be breached by going above the ceiling or under the floor.

If I hear a low hissing or moaning directly behind me, I will take off running without thinking. Whatever it is, its first bite of me is going to be ass.

If anyone in the squad has a flamethrower, I will make sure everyone else is trained to instinctively duck whenever he even begins to turn around.

When the team's mission is to plant a bomb I will make sure we have more than one bomb, and more than one person who knows how to plant it.

If going into an area in where research in biological warfare was occurring, I will not remove my gas mask before entering the facility.

If there is a countdown to an explosion or the sealing off of the facility, I will set my watch timer 10 minutes ahead of that to give myself a margin of safety.

If any of the rescued or one of my team members starts to convulse and scream, I'll have the guy with the flamethrower hose them down and then move on. If it is the napalm guy I'll shoot the tank. Whatever made them do it, it wasn't a cramp.

If my team has heavy weaponry, I will not wait until there are only a few people left and we are surrounded to use them. I will use them as early and as often as possible.

Similarly, if I have a large ship in orbit over the planet, and find out that there are no survivors in a heavily infested area, I will call for an orbital bombardment of the hot zone.

If I hear odd noises coming from a grate nearby, I won't stare quizzically at it and shine a weak flashlight beam through the grate, I will immediately empty my current mag into the grate then kick it in and send a grenade into the tunnel.

If we have prisoners, and one of them is talking to me steadily in a calm voice while staring behind me, I will immediately dive to the side and roll to hose whatever was about to attack me. The same response if a team-member looks behind me with an expression of horror.

If I address a query to the guy that should be behind me, and receive no immediate response, I will immediately break into a dead run, dropping grenades along the way.

If I find that rooms marked on my map as dining halls turn out to be full of stasis chambers and odd piping instead, I will immediately leave the ops area and refuse to enter until I get a damn good explanation.

If we manage to ambush the enemy and I hear a high pitched beeping and it starts laughing, I will be smart enough to just start running, instead of searching it for the timer.

I will never walk through water any deeper than I can see down into. I won't walk in the water period if there is electric cabling nearby.

Any transports we bring into the ops area and intend to use to escape will have cameras on the outside to allow us to scan for unwanted guests.

Along the same line, the landing bay/pad we return to will have several large turrets to take care of any stowaways we miss.

I will point out to my superiors that if the corporation/government has enough money to fund an 8 man team, they have enough damn money to buy us a remote controlled robot with cameras that we can send in to scout the area first.

My favored method of advance down a dark corridor will be with a 5 man team, the first man hosing down the corridor in front, the second throwing a grenade, the third hauling a huge cart of ammo and explosives, the fourth throwing a grenade behind us, and the fifth hosing down the corridor behind. Take five steps, repeat.

My favored method of advance down a well-lit corridor is the same but take ten steps and repeat.

If a cat comes flying out of a vent, scaring the s*** out of me, I will unload a clip into the vent. Something scared the cat.

I will hold the belief that heavy breathing from the nearby darkness is not to be investigated. It is to be used for target practice.

Warning shots are for wusses. Fire is for effect.

If the other people with me have all disappeared, I won't bother wandering around the immediate area looking for them and yelling their names, peering into dark rooms.

When any member of my squad dies, I will have them hosed down with the flamethrower or plant a proximity mine on them. No use feeding or increasing the numbers of whatever is trying to kill us.

If I die on a mission, it will be because I snapped my neck trying to look everywhere at once.
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2546 · Replies: 0 · Views: 10,428

maxnmike
Posted on: Dec 30 2008, 04:31 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
  Forum: Random Thoughts and Ramblings · Post Preview: #2487 · Replies: 7 · Views: 19,955

maxnmike
Posted on: Dec 13 2008, 02:25 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


OK people, it doesn't matter how you feel about the war, these men and women were just doing their jobs. Let them know they are not forgotten.

When doing your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to
this address. If we pass this on and everyone sends one card, think of
how many cards these wonderful special people who have sacrificed so
much would get.

A Great Idea!!!

When you are making out your Christmas card list this year, please
include the following:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue NW
Washington , D .C. 20307-5001




There is also this one as well.

Send our fighting men and women a card, it's free, it's easy, so just do it.


http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1280.html
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2456 · Replies: 0 · Views: 9,846

maxnmike
Posted on: Dec 13 2008, 12:58 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


It wasn't me, I was here the whole time.
  Forum: Random Thoughts and Ramblings · Post Preview: #2455 · Replies: 7 · Views: 19,955

maxnmike
Posted on: Jun 10 2008, 11:48 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Hello Karol, welcome to the closet.
  Forum: Introductions · Post Preview: #2361 · Replies: 1 · Views: 9,512

maxnmike
Posted on: Mar 9 2008, 11:56 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Gone on a blind date
Skipped school X
Watched someone die X
Been to Canada
Been to Mexico
Been to Florida
Been on a plane X
Been lost X
Been on the opposite side of the country X
Gone to Washington, DC
Swam in the ocean X
Cried yourself to sleep X
Played cops and robber X
Recently colored with crayons
Sang Karaoke
Paid for a meal with coins only? X
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? X
Made prank phone calls X
Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose X
Caught a snowflake on your tongue X
Danced in the rain X
Written a letter to Santa Claus
Been kissed under the mistletoe X
Watched the sunrise with someone you care about X
Blown bubbles X
Gone ice-skating X
Been skinny dipping outdoors X
Gone to the movies X

1. Any nickname? maxnmike
2. Mother's name? Sandra
3. Favorite drink? RC Cola
4. Tattoo? 0
5. Body Piercings? 0
6. How much do you love your job? it has its days
7. Birthplace? Abilene Texas
8, Favorite vacation spot ? The mountains
9. Ever been to Africa ? nope
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yes
11. Ever been on TV? sadly yes
12. Ever steal any traffic sign? yes
13. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 2 door
15. Favorite salad dressing? thousand island or just salt
16. Favorite pie? hair
17. Favorite number? 69 or 666
18. Favorite movie? too many to list
20. Favorite dessert? not big on dessert
21. Favorite food? red meat
22. Favorite day of the week? any day I'm not working
23. Favorite brand of body wash? whatever my wife uses
24. Favorite toothpaste? don't care
25. Favorite smell? my wife
26. What do you do to relax? Read and surf the net
27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? don't care
28. Furthest place you will send this message? to hell and back
29. Who will respond to this the fastest? apparently me lol
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2341 · Replies: 6 · Views: 15,377

maxnmike
Posted on: Nov 11 2007, 11:07 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


I think that it would depend on if what you had to live for was worth the pain you would suffer to keep on living. Right now I would endure the pain and keep on living.
  Forum: Random Thoughts and Ramblings · Post Preview: #2313 · Replies: 2 · Views: 9,709

maxnmike
Posted on: Sep 2 2007, 11:28 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Yeah, isn't that something?
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2307 · Replies: 1 · Views: 10,921

maxnmike
Posted on: Jul 21 2007, 12:00 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8



Wallace, who is president of his homeowner's association in the
Washington, D.C. suburbs, said they were having a terrible problem with
litter near some of his association's homes. The reason is that six very
large, luxurious new houses are being built right next to their
community.

The trash was coming from the Mexican laborers working at the
construction sites and included bags from McDonald's, Burger King and
7-11, plus coffee cups, napkins, cigarette butts, coke cans, empty
bottles, etc.

He went to see the site supervisor and even the general contractor,
politely urging them to get their workers not to litter the neighborhood, to no avail.
He called the city , county, and police and got no help there either.

So here's what his community did. They organized about twenty folks, named themselves
the "Inner Neighborhood Services" group, and arranged to go out at lunch time and "police" the
trash themselves. It is what they did while picking up the trash that is so hilarious.
They bought navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" embroidered in gold on the caps.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand what they hoped people might, mistakenly, think
the letters really stand for.

After the Inner Neighborhood Services group's first lunchtime pickup
detail, with all of them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras; 46
out of the total of 68 construction workers did not show up for work the
next morning--and haven't come back yet. It has been ten days now.

The General Contractor, I'm told, is madder than hell, but can't say
anything publicly because he could be busted for hiring illegal aliens.
Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating federal personnel,
because they have the official name of the group recorded in their
homeowner association minutes along with a notation about the vote to
approve formation of the new subcommittee--and besides, they informed the
real INS in advance of their plans and according to Wallace the INS said
basically, "Have at it"!

SO FOLKS, I THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT AMERICAN INGENUITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2292 · Replies: 0 · Views: 3,731

maxnmike
Posted on: Jul 20 2007, 11:31 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8



A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go away,' said the old lady. 'I haven't got any money, I'm broke!' As she proceeded to close the door, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. 'Don't be too hasty,' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet.
'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder. The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2291 · Replies: 1 · Views: 3,165

maxnmike
Posted on: Jul 8 2007, 08:30 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8




March 19 was Einstein's birthday. He would have been 128.

Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin,

Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.

He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed.

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts,

the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection.

This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2290 · Replies: 0 · Views: 2,602

maxnmike
Posted on: Jun 26 2007, 11:44 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


JULY=THUG
outgoing personality. takes risks. self
confident. soft yet loud. easy to get along with
and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude.
likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be
loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone".
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming"
or "beautiful" to everyone. when they love, they love with their whole heart. someone who you should hold onto. they always have your back no matter what. kind hearted and sweet. lover not a fighter but will knock your lights out. protector, you can always feel safe with them. very romantic yet great in bed. best kisser and will make you feel amazing. independent. strong willed. repost in 5mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.


OK, I'm calling bullshit on this. I am not a thug, I only hurt people that fuck with me and mine. And boy is my wife going to be pissed next month. laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2288 · Replies: 5 · Views: 6,617

maxnmike
Posted on: Jun 23 2007, 11:50 PM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one." To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch."
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2283 · Replies: 0 · Views: 2,487

maxnmike
Posted on: Jun 23 2007, 12:08 AM


the closet father
***

Group: ClosetAdmin
Posts: 260
Joined: 20-April 05
Member No.: 8


Nic, never worry about what is past. It's over and gone. Live for the future, but live in the present, that is what matters.

You are who and what you are. That is why we like you so much. If people can't deal with that... to hell with them.
  Forum: Care to Share? · Post Preview: #2282 · Replies: 7 · Views: 6,505

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